Metamorphosis

Testing...

2010-09-29T20:58:00.001+10:00

Just seeing if my blog is till giving me the cold shoulder.

Entirely New Site!

2009-11-09T14:43:00.001+10:00

Birthday Rundown and Stuff

2009-11-01T12:29:00.002+10:00

So I have a new blog and website. I posted the next post on the NEW BLOG
Check it out, and bookmark the new one. This blog will always be here. Let me know what you think!

Testing123

2009-11-01T11:11:00.003+10:00

Why does it say undefined? Hmm not sure how to get rid of these ads either...

Hi Susan! umm no idea its supposed to have the date there.
I will do a birthday post shortly!:D

11 Days!

2009-10-19T08:59:00.002+10:00

To reach my goal of size 8! So lets see I have been dropping inches consistently even though the scale is wacko. I am getting to that stage where the muscle definition is getting better and better in the upper body and thinning out enough in the lower to where I can tell there is muscle there somewhere lol.

So since I am not working I have really learned how to waste time. I mean I get my workouts in everyday and things cleaned... most days lol. The first 2 weeks I was dying trying to figure out how to kill time now I am like eeekk! I don't have time for anything! You know what they say ....however much time you give something, it will expand to take up that amount.

I have broken up my assessments and given them deadlines because at the rate I am going I'll never do them.

In the gym weights are going up consistently, so even if I feel like I am starving I must not be :p cardio is getting easier every week, if its ever easy. Its just easier to sprint when you aren't waterlogged. My knees though are starting to complain, never while running, just when I go to stand up. I should probably start taking some Glucosamine.

I can't take anymore pics. Dan broke the camera phone :( BUT I am hoping for a camera for my birthday... so we'll see .

Has anyone tried the Body Jam classes? How much fun are they! I really am thinking about becoming an instructor down the road. What a great way to get that cardio in! I have also been looking at Turbo jam, I LOVE Chalene Johnson. To be honest when I first saw her Chalene Extreme, I thought it was one of those "pink dumbbell, I just wanna tone up workouts", So I was totally not interested.... but then I saw her dance! I was like =0 I wanna do that!! I took a closer look at her other stuff and it would be nice to have as a change of pace, something new and fun to throw into the mix. My mom has a bunch of her stuff.

So what else have I been up to....drinking way too much coffee lol, sticking to my plan really well, having mental battles with myself STILL. For the most part feeling pretty positive and happy, I did mope around and had a bit of a cry Saturday.

About 3 times a year I get really anxious and start climbing the walls because I want to go out and socialize and dance! and I stay that way until I do. The last year has been really hard in so many ways, and I just feel if I could let off a little steam at some regular intervals I would be ok.
There are some great music festivals coming up but not till January! I won't last that long! So theres that....

O and Halloween is coming and that is one of my favorite holidays except its not really a holiday here, so while all my American friends are planning their Halloween parties, and costumes and gross Halloween treats lol, I am sulking.
When we get our own place next year I will have to throw a big Halloween party.

Sooo.. time for MORE coffee and to plan my day so I actually accomplish more then checking Facebook and email 2124654564 times !! :D

.........................

2009-10-18T06:52:00.004+10:00

Ahhaa!!! I am quickly posting from Dan's computer. Its my computer thats the problem. This morning I could not load my blogger dashboard or anyone else blog, so I jumped on his and it all works fine! Gahhh! I need a new computer! I do seriously this one is really old and was put together with a hammer by one of Dan's mates.

Ok so currently I weigh 149... BUT in the past several weeks I have been dropping at least 1/2 in off my waist every week and I think I have lost a total of 2 in off my hips and thighs, regardless of what the scale says. My 10's are snug but I can wear them.

I have class all day today and need to get ready but when I will post again soon!

I can post!

2009-10-10T17:22:00.003+10:00

I bet you think I disappeared in a pile of chocolate donuts don't you? :p
Nope!
I have been buried in Facebook. I said I would never be a Facebook addict. LMAO

I have been having horrid blogger issues, and just kind of gave up for a while because it was making me rage and I didn't want it interfering with my fabulous mood I have had for 5 weeks!!! Thats like a record or something!

I have been super focused in the gym and ON PLAN with my meals. My lifts have gone up again and I am lifting more then I EVER have.

However... after 5 weeks I can still JUST get my pants buttoned. So I have been a bit down about that.

Yesterday and today I have hit new lows in exhaustion.

So.. not sure if my body isn't responding the way it should... or maybe my fat loss is hidden by water retention and whacked hormones.. I am kinda like.. should I worry....or what?

I am waiting to talk to Tony about it. I mean jeez I haven't even been stressing for 5 weeks, you think that alone would have made a difference.

I am also stressing because I am finishing my assessments for my cert 3 and 4 in personal training and I don't feel like I look the part.

I have and so many topics running through my head to blog about but now that I got in... I can't remember what they were.

I am still working hard towards my birthday goal. Thats all I have for now, I have missed being able to post and being able to read all your blogs, I have been able to read some here and there but then after like 3 blogs I start getting "Network Timeout" messages again. GAHHH!

Calling All Unmotivated People!

2009-09-26T11:23:00.004+10:00

For those of you who don't know Kelly, here is one of her vlogs. I really like this one because she talks about those days when you feel like crap and don't want to workout.

I know some of you are having issues with motivation, heck I have been having motivation issues for what... 7 months? I feel like I have a handle on it now. Why? Because I have a bag of raisins sitting in my cupboard that I have not eaten. You may remember I was eating 2lb bags of these babies not that long ago. I LOVE raisins. However I don't want to eat them, because I know they are just going to take me further from my goal. I will eat some next time Tony says I can have an off-plan meal.:) Also I have never really been one to work my ass off in the gym and then eat junk, I am much more likely to eat junk if I don't train.

Really whats helping me stay on track is knowing that the unmotivated feelings will pass, keeping my goal clearly in my mind, and visualization. Just do it. Don't sit around analyzing why your not motivated and trying to get motivated. THE PATH TO MOTIVATION IS DOING!!!!

Go check out her other vlogs link here. I love them!

WTH Is With All This Dust?!...

2009-09-23T12:04:00.006+10:00

I have been having a hard time getting my cardio in because its been getting quite hot during the day and I have been procrastinating till its dark.

So this morning I decided I would get both weights and cardio done EARLY. I had legs and I could already feel the protests from my mind starting so I got my shoes on and just did it. My leg workout dam near killed me, I am not kidding. I could barely walk when I was done, but as soon as that was finished I started off on the trails for cardio. I could only walk at first because my legs were jello. I ended up doing 70 min of cardio.

When I got back to the house Dan's aunt said something about a dust storm. Huh? I hadn't noticed. I looked out the window and sure enough the sky had a reddish tint to it. I went to take a shower and looked outside again, now it was really bad. I took my shower and by the time I was done and dressed I could no longer see the towers across the street! check it out:

You can see the trees just across the street are all blurry.

There is a hill right behind that building with T.V. towers and trees, you can't see shit.

Then I looked up... this is what the sun looks like! =0

Apparently this dust storm is blowing in from down south, I can only imagine what the Gold Coast looks like!

If I had waited even one more hour I would have died trying to do cardio, I can now taste and smell dirt as its starting to come in the window I have open just a crack.

Saturday!!

2009-09-19T09:03:00.003+10:00

This is amazing! Notice were he talks about training his mind.

Weigh in was 152.... so I lost 4 lbs this week! I get a cheat meal today too :) Tony said it must be moderate, I planned on having steak and roasted veggies, and yogurt with fruit. I am really not happy with the weigh in. I should be in the 140's next week.

Lots of girls are competing this weekend I want to wish them all the best! Today is your day to shine!

I Stole This...

2009-09-18T12:23:00.001+10:00

off Melissa's Blog
It's so good I had to re-post it!

32 Random Thoughts

1.Nobody knows everything – you need to do your OWN research using various sources, and you need to continue this for the rest of your life.

2. As much as I hate to admit it, LEG DAY is the day that makes me
stronger, both physically and mentally. I’m learning to deal with that.

3. Don’t train through the pain – there are a million other exercises out there you can substitute with (thanks coach!)

4. Some people are actually as slow as they seem…give them time, they’ll come around.

5. Don’t let others dictate your life, or tell you what you are and aren’t doing right. Listen to your own body, and you can’t go wrong.

6. Jenny can eat 2 large pizzas, 1 litre of coke, a tub of chocolate chip ice-cream, and finish it off with a bag of corn chips. GOOD FOR JENNY. You can’t!

7. You need to be reading AT LEAST an hour each day, whether it be articles, books, magazines (and no ZOO doesn’t count). It takes 10 years or 10,000 hours to become an expert in something. GET GOING!

8. When dieting, stick with the basics and deal with it. When you’re substituting this with that, and that with this, it’s no longer a diet. It’ll be good for you to actually TASTE the food that you’re eating for what it is.

9. It’s ok to have a couple of no carb days a week. It might feel uncomfortable but you’re not going to die.

10. When you first start dieting, don’t bother with the miniscule things. Eating 6 big macs a day is what you need to worry about, not how many calories in a piece of lettuce.

11. CONSISTENCY is the key to life. Do it, and you will be successful.

12. It doesn’t matter how HARD you train every day, or how long you’re going at the cardio. It’s not going to make up for shit nutrition. Period.

13. Squats are NOT bad for the knees if you’re joints are healthy.

14. There’s more than one way to skin a cat. There are all types of training methodologies out there. Find out what works for YOU, and don’t be afraid to try something new every 5-6 weeks.

15. Protein powder is not anywhere NEAR as nutritious as a solid meal. Don’t kid yourself.

16. PREPARATION – one of the other keys to success. Plan your meals the night before, buy in bulk, cook in bulk.

17. Do not compare yourself to what other people do and don’t believe in more is better. Better is better.

18. If you feel you work harder than anyone else you can be sure you have not even reached 20% of your potential.

19. Refusing to train when you’re feeling shit isn’t a good enough excuse. Unless you’re lying in the hospital bed, get your ass moving. The most important workouts are those where you feel down, depleted, depressed, or someone broke your heart. You’ll feel ONE THOUSAND times better after your workout. I PROMISE.

20. STOP THE WHINING! You chose this life for yourself. You decided to look a certain way that most people find overzealous, too much and too hard. Of course you need to do more than most, because your GOALS and STANDARDS are that much higher. Either you can settle for less and live an average life or QUIT NAGGING, and take it one day at a time, being grateful and happy that you’re physically and mentally capable of doing this.

21. Everyone’s always looking for an easy way out. There is NONE! If life gets easier, you’re not moving fast enough.

22. It’s impossible for fat cells to DISAPPEAR, VANISH, GET BLASTED AWAY. They shrink. End of story.

23. STRETCHING is vital in any training program. Especially post/mid workout. Do it or be prepared to spend months on the couch praying for a miracle to get you back in that gym.

24. I don’t CARE how much you can bench press so why do you insist on knowing mine? Grow up!

25. Everything you do is either moving you towards your goals or away from them, forward or backward. You’re either growing or dying.

26. Things are cyclical in nature. If there is something you need to work on, God will keep bringing that ‘something’ in your face until you deal with it.

27. DETERMINATION is what makes a winner successful. You either want it or you don’t want it. Period.

28. Food is fuel. The only other reasons we eat (and this is majority of the time) is for socializing and for emotional reasons. Think about THAT next time you’re reaching for that Mars Bar. HA!

29. The only limits you face are the ones you place on yourself. You can do it, just BELIEVE it.

30. Learn to accept responsibility for the current state of your body. Once you have done this, assume the responsibility for changing it.

31. You’re not going to get that KILLER BODY overnight. It took time to get it to where it is, don’t expect it come off any other way.

32. GREEN TEA is the bomb. If you’re not drinking it, you’re not reaping the endless, endless, endless benefits and are missing out. DRINK UP!

I could probably go on FOREVER, but i managed to somehow stop myself at No.32 . . there will most likely be a Part II to this some day soon.

Hope everyone's alive & kicking it in the gym.

TRAIN TOUGH.

Tony says....

2009-09-18T11:14:00.002+10:00

......"You Fail to Reach your goals and Obtain your DreamBody because you neglect to unify both Heart and Mind in this Mission. It's Always one to the neglect of the other-follow your heart and ignore the mind, or become cluttered with thoughts while y...our heart fails because of it. This Mission requires that they are BOTH engaged--together in purpose. Feel, See, Think, Believe and DO....MISSION ACCOMPLISHED...YUP!"

"Once you Start to Become What you've always Wanted and Dreamed of...You realize that those things you once saw as a sacrifice are NOW actually part of the VERY Dreams themselves. Deep-seated empowerment begins when you See and Feel—with your He...art and Mind— commitments and disciplines as Enjoyable. Eat Clean...Train Hard...Dream Big!"

"Do you know that Most of us use less than only 10% of our brain potential although we have access to the rest. During moments when we're inspired or feel creative we USE more than 10%. Be inspired! Get Creative! Visualize your New Body! See ...the healthy foods feeding your unstoppable, beautiful machine! Maximize your Mind Power and Change your Future and Ultimately--YOUR LIFE!"

"Body Transformation is All About pushing the Body and The Mind. If you're running at the same speed this week as you did Last--kick it up. If you're lifting the same amount of weight--raise the bar. If you're THINKING the Same ole w...ay...Open up your mind to stretch and reach for what SEEMS impossible. If anyone tells you that you CAN'T do something..they JUST GAVE you another reason for doing it...Now go get yours"

Tony DiCostanzo

I am doing good! I am on plan and getting all my workouts in, no unplanned morsels of anything! I weigh in, measure and do skin folds tomorrow!

Still Not Sure?

2009-09-12T13:18:00.004+10:00

Heres some Inspiration for you! Seriously take the time to watch this it is so inspiring.

These videos never cease to fire me up!

So I went and did 60 min of fasted cardio and I am about to do a back and abs workout.
Dan lost 3 lbs this week. I am really proud of him, he really gives the workouts his all.
Chicken breasts were on sale for 6.99 a kilo! I stocked up! can't beat that. :D

I took a pic of 2 of my meals from yesterday...
I had a cup of cottage cheese and a cup of veggies on my meal plan so I made this, its mushrooms, red bell pepper, green beans, onion, and jalapenos! So yummy!

This I had later, its my chicken salad with a T. of olive oil and a T. of red wine vinegar. I love my salads!

Muscle food! To build me some of these......

Transformation, Mind and Body

2009-09-11T11:30:00.006+10:00

Making a successful body transformation is about so much more then just working out and eating right. Its as much a mental transformation as a physical.
We have all gotten stuck in these ruts were we stop and start and stop and start, which means we pretty much just stay where we are, we may lose a little and then we gain it back and the cycle can repeat itself again and again until we lose all hope of getting there.

It is definitely possible to stick to a diet and workout plan for long periods of time, I did it last year, for a whole year.
So what changed? yes my circumstances changed, but something else much more important changed. My thinking changed.
Here are the things I know and have learned and what I feel to be necessary to an amazing transformation:

What is your purpose? Why do you want to lose this weight, be a certain size etc.? Figure out what that is. Maybe you want to be a good example for you family and kids, maybe you want to compete, maybe you want to be a fitness model, maybe you just want to feel good again. make sure its what you feel PASSIONATE about.
Then decide exactly what you want to accomplish, be very specific, write it down in detail. Set specific goals and write them down as if its already happened. Find a picture of your ideal physique and put that somewhere you can see it daily.
Imagine what it will feel like to reach your goals, create a mental mind movie, imagine specific situations starring your new lean self, imagine looking down at your body and it looks exactly like you want, what does it FEEL like? If you find this hard at first don't stop, work on it everyday it will become clearer and clearer.
Review these goals everyday.
Take before pics, you don't have to share these with the world, but its important YOU see where you are at. It wasn't until I took my before pics that I realized I must do something NOW waiting even one more day was not acceptable!
Tell yourself after your workouts, I am even leaner today then I was yesterday, I am getting leaner, stronger and tighter. Imagine the fat melting off to reveal tight shapely muscle.
Focus on the positive, everyday write down 3 things you did well, also write down 3 things you will do even better tomorrow.
Have a plan B, what if it rains, the car breaks down, the kids get sick, your stuck away from home without a meal, you can't get to the gym etc. whats your plan? I have a bodyweight circuit I keep on hand for when I can't get to a gym, know what you can do, create options for yourself.
Plan ahead. Cook your meals ahead, some of us hear this, know this, tell others this, and still don't do it! lol ...DO IT!
Write down what you are grateful for everyday.
When you feel like crap and like nothing is going your way, go encourage and help others, works wonders for your mental outlook.
Before you go to bed, imagine how you want the day to go, imagine your workouts, the reps, sets and weights, when you wake up do it again.
Weigh, measure and do skin folds, take pics and try on clothes at regular intervals, this could be weekly, bi-weekly or once a month, I like weekly (at least for measurements and weight) because if things aren't going in the right direction you can make corrections before they go too far the wrong way but just pick one and stick to it.
Celebrate your victories, even the little things, don't wait until your at your goal to celebrate.
Get some new gadgets or equipment, they can help with motivation.
Try something new, try some yoga, boxing, pilates, go climb a hill, and see if you can beat your time next time. Have fun!
Keep a workout journal, find a nice notebook, write motivational quotes in it, track all your measurements on a page and track your goals, write down your meals and workouts and water consumption, cut out pics of what you want to look like and past them in it, customize it, make it yours!
actually write down the time you will do your workout, what time you will eat, wake up go to bed etc, these times are important and if you know what time you are doing everything it just makes it easier.
Set goals for each workout, you should be trying to go faster in less time further in the same amount of time, lifting more weight, or doing more reps, in some way make each workout better then the last.
Hold yourself accountable, join a board, forum or group of like-minded people. Sometimes there is no one in the world who understands you, especially if friends and family are not supportive, they will listen, motivate and give you a kick in the ass when you need it.
Commit to your goals completely and wholeheartedly, sometimes we say in our minds I will give this everything I have! (well, as long as this, and this, and this, happen or don't happen) Don't set limitation on yourself, if you argue for your limitations, you will get to keep them!
When you REALLY don't want to workout and you find yourself trying to think of an excuse, STOP THINKING and go DO IT. Those times will be some of the best workouts ever, you don't want to miss that do you? :)
Be ready when you hit a goal with a new goal, its too easy to think I've made it, I can rest, but wat really happens is you start going backward. keep challenging yourself!
If you screw up and eat something off plan, DO NOT blow off the whole day, get right back on track with the next meal. Too often people blow off that day and then since it was Wednesday or whatever (can you tell I have LOTS of experince wit this?)and the week is messed up they may as well just have the rest of the week off and start again Monday right? Well do you want to ever be able to trust yourself? Don't do this. You promised yourself this time would be different, that you would reach your goals THIS TIME remember?? Honor your self promises, thats where that inner strength comes from. The feeling you have when you are that strong mentally that you can sit amongst friends and family while they ho down on chips and cake and cheese and dip while you eat your pre-packed meal with a smug smile and not a pang of regret is PRICELESS!! you feel frikin INVINCIBLE and that feeling just builds on itself.
Have your off plan meals PLANNED, don't eat out of the bag or box, put it all on a plate, layed out so you can see it all , then eat slowly and enjoy :)
Spend some time looking at transformations on bodyforlifetracker, or bodybuilding.com, or youtube. Do this whenever you start to doubt you can do this. This will build belief. I have seen such amazing transformations, mind-blowing transformations, and I know that if they can do it, so can I.

"Until one is committed there is hesitancy, a chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness concerning all acts of initiative and creation there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in ones favor all manner of unforseen incidents, meetings and material assistenace which no man could ever have dreamed would come his way."

I hope this helps! I have learned so much this past year being with Tony of Dreambodies especially about my mindset.
I have an ab workout to get in, so I need to get to it! I have been reading blogs but not commenting because for some reason the comment thing doesn't want to load, and half the time even the blogs, especially blogger blogs will not load, I keep getting time out errors :( I have no idea what the issue is.
Make today a new day, renew that commitment and show us what your made of! *hugs!*

Imagine...

2009-09-06T23:56:00.007+10:00

I got this in an email from Think TQ.

Your imagination controls your future, believe it.

If you want a highly successful future, nourish your imagination.

its as simple as that.

Do you take the time each day to visualize how terrific it will feel when your goals are actually realized?

This single question is vitally important to your success. It provides the inner motivation and inspiration to keep you on track to achieving your goals...even when everything goes wrong...nothing goes right... and IT hits the fan on a regular and frequent basis!

Remember its impossible to keep striving for something for which you no longer have any feelings.
The more you stay in touch with the rewarding experience and positive feelings that each goal delivers, the more motivated and committed you will be to continue the pursuit.
Each time you get in touch with the emotional benefits your goals produce- even in your imagination- your feel energized and enthused... regardless of the distance to the goal.

Celebrate your goals everyday.

Anticipation is half the fun and most of the motivation for getting there.
The point is, if you fail to imagine the feelings within each of your goals, they become flat and lifeless....which limits your actions... which literally condemns you to failure.( If you have a problem with procrastination and failure to take swift action this is usually why.)

The good news is that the opposite is equally true: your imagination opens the floodgates to a wonderful new future... and gives you the emotional power to traverse the obstacles and mountains on your journey.

Imagine the future you desire.

Again if your goals are fuzzy... then your future is fuzzy... and a whole lot scarier then it needs to be.

What does your pot of gold feel like?

Take the time each day to imagine how you would feel if you had already attained all of your personal goals. See them , feel them, hear them, taste them. Anticipation can be half the fun of getting there.

Do you have your future clearly in focus?

Make sure your visualizations are clear and precise. They should be the compelling image of your goal when actualized.

Don't dream in fuzzy pictures, take the time to visualize the future details of a successful day, and enjoy your success in advance.

Keep your goals visible. Put them in a place were they can remind you how terrific it will be when they are real.

Its All In the Mind

2009-09-05T12:02:00.005+10:00

So I re-read my last post .... wowee..... who wrote that?! lol

I really appreciate the thoughtful comments and suggestions from my blog peeps.
I actually have started writing down what I have to be grateful for each day. I realize this whole battle is in the mind. I remember a time when the eating on plan and the 3 hours of workouts a day was actually EASY because my head was on straight, I remember telling Dan, wow its not even that hard... what was my problem before?
Its the same thing Tony tells me, I know it, but when your heads not right sometimes you just feel lost and not sure how to fix it. Its starts with your thoughts. My daily thoughts have been crap.

Tony says that before you go to bed each night visualize how your workout is going to go the next day, visualize the whole day going your way. I have only done this a handful of times but without exception I had an awesome day the next day. WHY don't I do this every night?

I have let old habits creep back, Tony said something to the effect that when change happens, tough times come, you are called to either go back the way you were or to change and grow.
Moving here was really tough. As soon as I stepped foot in this house all the old feeling of hopelessness came rushing back from when we lived here before. Even though I wasn't the same person, I FELT like I was.

I need to re-define who I am.

Katie did a post recently on limiting beliefs and I have been delving into that a bit. So lots of work to do in my head!

I bought the new Oxygen and I am anxious to read it. I have to run out and send a copy to a friend in Colorado, she wants to check out the Aussie version, I really like it now. :)

OMG I can post!

2009-09-02T21:26:00.003+10:00

You know I have been trying to post for ages?! I haven't even been able to read any Blogger blogs, I keep getting these page load errors. I have been almost in tears people! What am I supposed to fill my days with if I can't read about all of you?! I tried and tried to post a reply to all the wonderful comments! Thank you!

I am sending positive Vibes out to Raechelle and Frankie.

Positive Line----------------------------------------------------------------------

Warning, if you are currently very happy read no further.

I have been in such a shitty mood lol ...that its probably good I couldn't blog.
So hmm where do I start? I am unhappy with myself, I am mad at myself, I am frustrated with my situation and am wondering if I am blind to some huge deficiency in myself.
I have been trying to figure this out, but then I just get tired of thinking but I can't stop, so last night I killed off all thought with plenty of cheesecake, I lose 3 bones for that btw.
Then of course the self loathing, even deeper self analization.... and before you know I am good and depressed!

I am disgusted I let myself gain weight, that I can't seem to stay on plan long enough to get back down to 125, that summers coming and I want to wear shorts, that I live in FUCKING BRISBANE which I HATE.

Where is all that self discipline I had several months ago? My self confidence has gone out the window , I hate going out to the store, I don't even want to leave my room.

How do I dig myself out again? I am not sure. I just want to feel decent, I feel an unhealthy amount of rage when I see a woman with her hair done, nice outfit, makeup, jewelry, not AT her, I just want those things too, I want to just have one day where I feel like a million bucks instead of like a bag lady.I constantly feel like I am not good enough, that I don't measue up, that I ALMOST made it to my goal, then lost it and inhaled a small country.
I just feel all woe is me , waa waa. I'm sure I'll get over it Anyway...
End Rant

I have a party to go to on the 25th, just 3 short weeks from now... I wonder if I did 2 hours of cardio a day and stuck to my eating plan like glue ...what size i would be.
Dress is "fit glam". I am not sure what that means but I do know I don't own anything that resembles that.... my clothing of late is more "clown casual" In my current mental state, this is A LOT of pressure.

Blah now I don't want to post this but I got nothing else so here ya go. :S

I KNEW big changes were coming!

2009-08-27T20:52:00.005+10:00

Today my permanent residency visa was granted!! I have been here 4.5 years! It feels so good to finally have an outcome on this. Dan was so happy he cried <3 I love that man! I am still in shock, I want to celebrate... but I don't know what to do...

And if that wasn't good a enough I got called into work for a few hours so now I will get SOME pay next week.

And if even that wasn't good enough Dan finally got a call about a job! The company he spoke with is just waiting for a contract to come though in about 2 weeks and when it does hes hired!

The Universe said:
It doesn't matter that the road's been rough, that you now have challenges, or that uncertainties loom on the horizon, Yvette. None of these change the fact that for every thought you think today, worlds will come tumbling into existence. For every word you speak, legions will be called into action. And for every step you take, matter will be drawn from the ether.
Jeez - The Universe

Awesome.

Which Sports Car Are You?

2009-08-27T11:02:00.002+10:00

I got this from Raechelles blog :P

I'm a Dodge Viper!

You're all about raw power. You're tough, you're loud, and you don't take crap from anyone. Leave finesse to the other cars, the ones eating your dust.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

LOL always liked these cars, I love Raechelles car too!

Play along if you like:)

Ice Blocked?

2009-08-26T22:19:00.004+10:00

Thats kind of how I feel. I feel like I am frozen in time....only time is still ticking! I feel just on the verge of something good happening but its not happening!! I went into a mandatory staff meeting on Tuesday and discovered I have not been rostered on at all this week! WTF? Apparently the guy who is now doing the rosters "forgot" I am not the only one either.

So I am plugging along doing my workouts and cardio everyday and seeing the water just now starting to drop.

On the job front I applied for one I found today, not much else in the paper today that I qualify for..

Even though I am not working I am getting up early every morning and getting my cardio in and keeping to a schedule with my meals and workouts. I am doing my best to stay positive and focus on what I want rather then what I don't want. THAT is really a struggle. I am taking note each day of the things I have to be thankful for, and that really helps keep the feeling of hopelessness away.
I am visualizing the future I want and trying not to worry about what COULD happen. I think I am doing excellent actually because TOM is due this week and I haven't had a crying jag or thrown any plates at Dans head, or ANYTHING.LOL

I have 2 cakes in my freezer that Dan's dad bought us, I am so proud I did not eat them, I really have them in there in case we have no food again, I hate to waste anything lol.
So I haven't had much to say as nothing much has changed but I expect soon there will be great changes for the good!

Anyone got an ice pick?

Book Meme from Witchhazel

2009-08-22T22:30:00.002+10:00

I got this from Cath's blog.

The BBC believes most people will have only read 6 of the 100 books here... how do your reading habits stack up?
Instructions: Copy this onto your blog. Look at the list and put an 'x' after those you have read. !

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen x
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien x
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte x
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible – x
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell x
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott x
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien x
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams x
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll x
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame x
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens x
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis x
34 Emma-Jane Austen x
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen x
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis x
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hossein
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne x
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown x
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery x
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert x
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen x
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville x
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens x
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett x
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Inferno – Dante
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens x
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walkerx
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White x
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albomx
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doylex
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery x
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams x
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas x
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl x
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

I got 29.

Wednesday

2009-08-19T08:37:00.006+10:00

This morning I was awakened by a call from my aunt in Missouri! My grandpa was missing me so she called to make sure I was ok and to let my grandpa and grandma talk to me. I feel quite guilty so much time has passed since I talked to them last. I talk to my mom on Skype and since they don't have a computer I have to call them the old fashioned way which costs money! It was really good to hear from all of them.

Yesterday this pirate went for an hour long walk with Dan. So I got in SOME exercise, yesterdays food wasn't great but it wasn't by choice.

So I was looking at what I can do here at home, I am back on Tony's home workouts since I can't get to the gym. I have to go to the shop today and get some chicken and broccoli and I am good to go.

Westnet put the money back in my account so I was able to buy some food, now I just have to send them the poof they overdrew me and they say they will pay all my overdraft fees, so in a another week or so I will have that back.

The rest of today Dan and I will be looking for jobs, sending everything off to immigration and I will be working on assessments.

Last night I spent watching the rock bands of the 80's on youtube lol.
Van Halen, Scorpions, Dio, Iron Maiden, Y&T, Sammy Haggar, Led Zeppelin *sigh* they were soo cool lol. And who could ever forget.....

I STILL like listening to Def Leppard. :P
I need some new music on my ipod.

I am starving! Time for egg whites and oats! Yay!

Arrgghh!!

2009-08-18T15:33:00.006+10:00

I am still a pirate, I WISH I was a pirate with rum. I am still in the Skinny Bones Challenge, don't count me out yet.

Still waiting somewhat spastically to be able to get back on track. My body is NOT happy.The weather is starting to feel much more summery, I was actually hot last night. All I could think is oh God I need to get this weight off or I am going to want to die.

I realized too... I can't even go for a job interview..NONE of my pants fit. I am wearing a pair of BRIGHT RED sweat pants with a black heart on them.

I wonder how much water I am retaining and how much fat I have gained. I dare not weigh myself as that will more then likely make me all emo.

I tried doing my assessments and couldn't make heads or tails of them, so I had Dan look at them and he couldn't figure them out either, so I went down to F.I.T. and they have re-written them to make a lot more sense so they gave me new books. So I need to start working on those.
I don't have much else to report.
So yeah exciting stuff, I think I will go for a walk...a slow walk, because my cankles feel like they may pop.

Goals for next 2 weeks:

Take off water weight and enough fat to fit back into 10's
Find a job
Meanwhile get my assessments completed
Spend time reading all these great books I have laying around here

Can one week throw me off that much? Ok a week and a half? I am going to go check my account again *sigh* Fucking Westnet.

Unfuckingbelievable

2009-08-12T11:46:00.003+10:00

This week...Unbelievable. Unfuckingbelievable. Why am I even bothering to post? So I can fucking someday laugh.

Monday - car broke down yet again, couldn't go to the gym.

Tuesday -
I went to the store to do the weeks shopping and my card was declined.

My account was drained of all money and then some, by my fucking internet company who I paid already on Friday last week! This is not the first time!! GRRR! It will take a week for them to return to the money to my account even though it took them a day to take it!

That was my grocery money, not much. So now no car, no food, no money AT ALL.

In my pathetic attempt to make my food money go as far as possible I have been waiting till I am out of everything and trying to make everything last as long as possible before shopping. So... NOW I AM OUT OF EVERYTHING.

Last night Dan's dad bought us donuts, pizza rolls and iced finger buns, which I ate. I am just happy we had something. I am now bloated all to hell.

My stye in my eye (I could write a poem)is getting bigger and more painful.

Wednesday - My bestest friend since the 5th grade has just been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.

Guess What...

2009-08-10T10:16:00.005+10:00

I went in today for part one of my medical exam and of course they wanted to weigh me and I was all like *SIGH* so I jumped on the scale and 149 lbs/68 kg! I have lost 14 lbs/6kg. since starting the Skinny Bones Challenge. How cool is that? I am hungrier then normal today, like really hungry.
The weather is finally starting to get really nice, its gorgeous out.

In other news my car is acting like a piece of shit , I think the fuel pump is going and I have a stye in my eye. Funny thing is... for now the weigh cancels those things out. I am a sick puppy mm hmm.

Humming Along, Phase Two

2009-08-06T19:08:00.003+10:00

So we are in Phase two of the Skinny Bones Challenge and so far I am pleased with how I am doing. Today was another 100% clean eating day and we all know thats the hardest and most important part.

Dan and I did chest today and I also did 40 min of cardio early this morning and another 30 min of intervals after weights. I felt much lighter when running today so the bloat continues to go down.

After work I felt soo tired just to-the-bone exhaustion so i took a 2 hour nap and Dan drug me to the gym after I woke up
(thank you hun).

I can't understand why I am so exhausted. I am hardly working at all, I am getting enough sleep, eating well, not working out too much, my cardio has been cut way back... what gives?!?

I am not even having any cravings which is excellent. I did squeeze my ass into my work pants today for the first time in a week, only just... in another week they should fit properly.

Work sucks even more the usual, we had 6 new trainees, these are managers of other stores from all over Australia that come to ours to be trained how to properly run their stores.

Its like....retarded. They just try soo hard, they scare the customers. Someone walks up and all 6 are falling over themselves all shouting Hi! HOW ARE YOU?! * big big grin*to the poor customer who then looks like they want to run. They have their heads so far up the managing trainers ass its embarrassing. Their like car salesmen lol. I just stand there and shake my head and try not to laugh.

The one girl goes to me " I must have my scary face on" because people just hear her and walk the other way, its her voice, yes its THAT bad. So I have another few hours with the "HAPPY HALF-DOZEN" tomorrow morning. *shoots self*

I was thinking tonight I know I have always been a bit moody especially around a certain time of the month but since I have moved here I think I have had only once 5 days in a row where I felt semi-ok. The rest of the time it will be a few hours max then back to depressed. Its getting worse too I think I can't remember the last time I wasn't depressed. Its a struggle just getting through the day, and even the days like yesterday where I got a heap accomplished and I am glad, it was a good day and all but all the time I have this underlying feeling of dread and depression.
I wonder if it will pass, I wonder if moving will take it away, I wonder if I need medication. Most of all I wonder when I will feel normal again.

Almost Hump Day

2009-08-04T20:10:00.003+10:00

Today was weird again . I just felt "blah" I knew why. This house though is just soo dam depressing. I stay in our room as much is humanly possible. So most of the day I just felt like crap but then hubby actually was like "are we going to the gym or what"? So I hefted my waterlogged ass off the computer chair with a sigh and off we went.

We had a good shoulder workout and I did cardio too. I did 66lb behind the head shoulder presses which is a record for me :) Hubby did some stupid high amount. Speaking of which he maxed the leg extension machine on Monday.

For cardio I did walk run intervals for 30 min. and then finished with jogging at level 6 at level 9 incline for 10 min and then a 5 min walk. I felt pretty sick at the end. TOM is full force today and that didn't help either but I felt really good because I really could have used it as an excuse to stay home, or leave early or something else like eat chocolate.

It did help that hubby, you know what, I will just call him by his name because typing "hubby" is frikin annoying me, so *ahem* "Dan" told me that my back was looking awesome when I was doing cable raises. That did make me smile. :)

Tomorrow Dan's cousin is going to come with us to the gym so that should be fun, I am looking forward to it.
I have some visa stuff to take care of tomorrow today that didn't get done today.

I am sooo sore ... ahh good ole DOMS. Anyway brain is empty I am really tired but first I need to get one last meal in. I wish it was a big juicy steak, but no.. its a very small meal that I will probably be too tired to chew anyway lol.
So 5 days on track :D I put my little blue stars on my calendar. I may be tired and sore but I can smile and I feel a sense of accomplishment despite the PMS, and all the other crap going on at the moment :)

Monday shoots self

2009-08-03T12:11:00.005+10:00

Well I went into work only to discover I am only rostered on for 6 hours this week. So being extremely frustrated I decided to ....get this.... figure out how to get a 3 column layout. BWAAHAAA!!!!

Dumb Idea. Seriously

After following the instructions on Blogger Buster for like over an hour and trying again and again, I was ready to cry.
So instead I went and found a new layout to cheer myself up. Ooh and I added FISHIES! In the side bar. Click in the water to feed them lol. They'll probably lag you.

I waiting for hubby to get home, hes working, just side work but THANK GOD anyway, then we'll head to the gym for legs.

I am still adding back links :s Trying to figure out which ones I've added and which I still need to add.

Hubby and I had a great leg workout. Man am I weak though. I blame TOM. Now I feel like my guts are going to fall out.
So today I ate on plan, I am getting all my water down and I did weights and cardio AND I showered and put on makeup.
Oh and I am so bloated still and fat it looks like I shoved 3 little throw pillows down my pants one in the tummy area and 2 in the saddlebag area. Wow. Just wow

Sunday Night

2009-08-02T21:42:00.002+10:00

Well today has been...weird. I was happy all morning, then my stomach started hurting and I felt drained so I took a nap and when I woke up I was in such a foul mood, I felt awful and like I was going to cry for no reason at all.
Which I did.

Nothing had changed.

Hubby took one look at me, and jumped up and cooked me some broccoli, put some laundry on and tried to console me, while I tried to smooth the deep ditch on my forehead.

I know its PMS, for THE SECOND WEEK WTF!? I no longer just get my period, on no. It starts and stops and starts and stops and makes me fucking miserable for 2 weeks now.
Is this the beginning of menopause?! What the hell is going on I would like to know. I didn't used to be such a pyscho lol.... really.

So I dried my tears, went to the store for the second time because I totally blanked out the first time and forgot several things I really needed. I avoided even LOOKING at the cookies and the chocolate.

Good thing too because I came home and tried on my work pants to see if I would be wearing them tomorrow....No way in hell. *SNIFF*
Stretchy pants for the win.
Tomorrow will be awesome and amazing.
I will have a kick-ass workout
Now I will go to bed repeating these words.

First August Weekend

2009-08-02T11:09:00.003+10:00

So yesterday hubby and I went to the gym and worked out together, hes going to get a membership as well. I also ate on plan all day yesterday and drank my water, and journaled and omg showered and brushed my teeth!
Look out lol.

So things are definitely better and I am feeling quite happy.
I have so many things I want to share that I am thinking about, good things, but their at a half baked stage, you know, you have these thoughts, ideas and realizations, but are not at the point where you can put them to words.

Come on I can't be the only one like this.

Something that annoys me though, and I am sure you all have noticed this, my highs are REALLY high, and my lows are REALLY low. Why can't I just be more even? Maybe I am Bi Polar.

Thursday....In Which I Am Better...

2009-07-30T17:49:00.004+10:00

I am finally really feeling better, I took yesterday off because I could not move, and had the fever, headache and a runny nose. So I slept yesterday most all day.
I went in today because I need the hours.
I also drug myself to immigration today. I should be approved as a permanent resident soon :) then I came back and had a nap and woke up sweating like mad.

On the 100 Day Challenge front ... I used a bone yesterday for one meal, I ran out of my food.
Workouts didn't happen of course yesterday. Do I have to use bones for that? Thanks to car and sickness I have not worked out yet this week.

On top of all that TOM arrived, really that on top of being sick with this mystery flu, blah I feel so fat.

Tomorrow I am getting up early for my cardio, I really miss it and the energy boost I get, then later after work, I will hit the gym.

Anyway I have a brighter outlook :) I am marking PMS on the calendar for next month so when it hits I can curl up with a comedy instead of thinking I am going nuts.Why has it taken me this many years to get the hang of this?

"just dance, gonna be ok... spin that record babe, just dance". :D

Day 99 Ramblings

2009-07-28T16:29:00.005+10:00

I decided to go ahead and go to work today even though I wasn't feeling very good. Good thing too. I got a call from immigration and I have to go meet with them Thursday. Its going to cost another 500.00 or so to complete this process and it must be done asap. I am beyond stressed.

On a good note my car may be fixed... well it starts and runs after my husbands cousin came and took it apart and put it back together. I am afraid to drive it though because it likes to quit right on main roads where there is no where to pull over.

Yesterday I ate 100% on plan. I am just feeling really anxious about so many things and I am sick of being in the same place mentally, physically and financially.

I need to go grocery shopping, and decide if I am going to try driving to the gym in peak hour traffic or working out here.

UPDATE: I did neither, started leg workout and my head was pounding and I felt like I was going to pass out. I am feeling really crap and I think the fever is back. I don't get it...

I laid down to have a little rest and of course Dan's Aunt comes knocking at the door. I can't get any sleep here seriously. Night or day I am constantly woken up and its wearing my patience thin.
It makes doing battle with my inner fat girl so hard. I know I have goals, i know I have plans, but at times like these I can barely muster the energy to care. the only thing that pulls me through is what the hell am I going to do when my pants don't fit AT ALL?

Oh but I want you all to know, I did shower and brush my teeth. :D see? all shiny.:)

Eating has been 100% on plan today... sigh now if I could just get well.

Oh...What!

2009-07-27T15:15:00.006+10:00

Work was good, the new boss isn't really scary. I think we will get along just fine :) I started getting a really bad headache at work, and it will not go away, now I have chills and feel like I may even have a fever and a very nauseous weak feeling :(. WTF. I haven't been sick for ages!
I am going to have a nap and hopefully I feel better. I didn't get much sleep last night because hubby kept waking me up...grrr.
I will report back later...

ok so I tried to go to sleep, and then the phone rang... took care of that... and then someone came to the door... then the phone rang... this time it was my father-in-law who had borrowed our car, calling to tell us he broke down. So off goes hubby to rescue him, so I turn over and start to drift off to sleep.... and then the phone rang!
So I lay back down and now I can't sleep because I am hungry.

Head still hurts and I am freezing, so I'm telling hubby, feel my chest, do I feel hot? He gets sidetracked with "feel my chest" I'm like no... I feel sick!? Hello! Does it feel hot? hes like well... I can't tell. Men! Why do we need them again?

So car is sitting on the side of the road....again. If anyone breaks the windows again I'm going to die. Their going back to get it tonight...sound familiar? Thats exactly what happened last time only when they got there, the windows were smashed.

Eating has been spot on and I am drinking water, thought I am wayyyy behind.

So looks like todays workout will have to happen tomorrow. Blah.

I Am Ready!

2009-07-26T21:01:00.003+10:00

I cooked tomorrows meals and got everything ready to get up and do my early morning cardio.

I also printed out some calendar pages and put them up on my vision board, I bought some stars a while back for competition countdown and obviously have not been earning them... so I will use them for this!
For each day I do all my daily habits I get a star.

Yeah how grown up am I? :P

You know what, don't laugh, but I am going to put showering and brushing my teeth in there with my workouts and meals and water, because I have been so depressed, this haven't been getting done daily, and I haven't cared.

Once a week too it would be nice to give myself a facial and tweeze my eyebrows. I think I will put a weekly pamper hour in there.

I also looked up the classes and the times they are on at the gym.
I weighed today. I weigh 73 frikin kilos... ok 73.9! =0 I was like 66 kilos last week!!
I didn't cry though. :P Cuz its coming off!

Now I just need to fill out my workout journal and go to bed. Have a good night teamies!:)

I am really tired and keep editing so if you see something that makes no sense... you know what happened.

Oh dam..

2009-07-26T19:46:00.001+10:00

omg I really want to change my layout, but I have so much shit on here not to mention all my beloved links of my beloved blog gals. *sniff* what to do...what to do...

The 100 day Challenge

2009-07-26T13:31:00.007+10:00

Katie started this Challenge on her blog, Thin Enough To Go To The Gym and if you haven't been over there go and have a read, shes got some great stuff, I love the way she writes, tons of thought povoking useful stuff there! If you need a challenge why not join us?
So if you notice on the sidebar there is cute little ticker to keep track of the days.

This could not have come at a better time. I just weighed myself and man I am in shock. No one to blame but myself.
So when I do a challenge I usually put all my emphasis on what I want to weigh... and I do have a number..of course! I really want to make this challenge about living the lifestyle though. I want to concentrate on getting my workouts and cardio in without skipping, and eating the meals on my plan and making it all a habit again because I have fallen out of those habits. I don't want lifes stresses to throw me off track I want to learn to deal with things differently then I have been.
I have been journaling like mad and its really helping to clarify all the thoughts running rampant in my head. I have been thinking about making time to meditate, since Chris, my instructor pointed out to us thats it very helpful and he does this as well. My response whenever anyone has suggested it is, I don't have time and ... isn't that for those yoga types? Don't hit me lol.
Oh and yoga, I want to take a weekly class and see how I like it, mainly because I WANT to and I bought a mat a while back...anything that may help me get fitter that I WANT to do is major plus.

Also I love the Bodyjam class at the gym, its so much fun, another good way to burn some extra calories. I will probably go slow on this, hit whichever one I feel like one week and then the next week add the other one etc. I want to try a cardiobox class, just because I never have.

I love trying new things!
I want to get some DVD's with different workouts on them for something different when I am ultra bored and also for when its raining since I can't buy a treadmill. My husbands like just run in place >.> Where is the fun in that?

Gods Kitchen is coming October 2. I am really excited. So there is another goal for me. Since I am such a hermit and social misfit these things are a big deal to me, plus the music is amazing! I can chalk that up as one huge cardiothon. Here is a peek at Gods Kitchen :D

Man I am so excited!

I have also started a recipe book, all my healthy recipes go in here. So I don't have to go searching the net every time I want a recipe.

Did I mention I made a Rocks and Dirt List?
Well I wouldn't eat rocks and dirt right? So why the hell do I eat some of the things I eat? Seriously there are some things you can find in a supermarket so horrible for you they just should not be eaten, some of these things are the same for everyone across the board and others are individual accoding to how it may affect you. These things affect me horribly. I swell up like a whale and pass out in a carb coma.

My Rocks and Dirt list

Pre-packaged cookies
donuts
cheesy rolls
prepackaged cakes
chips
crackers

I can eat dark chocolate and fruit and never get these affects.

I know I said I didn't want to make this all about what I weigh, but I will be weighing in weekly. If I had been weighing regularly I never would have let myself get to the weight I am now. Of course I won't be cheating so it will consistently go down, but I want to watch the pattern at which it goes down because I find that very interesting.

Ok I have rambled on long enough.
If you want to join the challenge it starts today! Head over to Katies Blog and let her know!

End of a Bad Week!

2009-07-24T16:56:00.002+10:00

My router is dying. So my net keeps dropping out.
I would give anything to feel lean again! My body is having a shit fit, I have ROLLS around the middle people! Rolls!
Time to get organized, protein powder came. yay! finally. So much for express post.

I am supposed to go to make up classes I missed this weekend but I really don't feel like it. Its going to take me a while to get these assessments done anyhow I can grab the next one. I just don't even want to go out in public, I am going to FORCE myself to go to the gym.
I am always all thinking people are going to be like, wtf happened to her?! She like doubled in size! But seriously... they probably don't even know I am there.

On the home and work front, they cut my hours again... Soo not looking forward to next week.
At least the sun has been shining but I am pretty unenthused about pretty much everything. Its got to get better.
Just need two things, two totally doable things to happen and things will at least be looking up. Come On Universe!

Beached As

2009-07-23T15:28:00.003+10:00

This is how I feel. I am spilling out of my top and pants, I have lost my waist. I have had sooo much water to drink between last night and today and I am just holding nearly all of it, I fully expect to have to start peeing soon because if not... I am going to explode. This is the result of a work meeting gone bad and me finding consolation in the arms of a box of cookies, I didn't even eat the whole box! Oh and a bar of low sugar chocolate.
I told my boss today if you hear a large ripping and pop sound and turn around and I am standing there in my undies....my pants exploded.

Oh and you may be saying but... your 10 weeks out... WTF are you doing?! Well not anymore...OF COURSE the other shoe dropped just like it seems to do every time I decide to compete and now it is financially impossible for me to do so.

ok whatever.. I am just filing competing away until 2010. Lets just deal with this years catastrophes first shall we?

I still have a goal though... 14 weeks till my birthday... I want to be sitting around 115 lbs...50 kilos for the Aussies, or wherever I look and feel good.

Oh and HOW BEAUTIFUL is it outside!? Its like summer suddenly! I had to OPEN THE WINDOW AND TURN ON THE FAN! :D me likey!

omg I am still drinking and nothings coming out! :S

The Beast From The East :)

2009-07-22T14:23:00.004+10:00

OMG! Tony is going to be competing! Here is a pic of him from Facebook. He IS THE BEAST FROM THE EAST! I am so excited for him. This man definitely walks the walk. LOVE HIM!

I had a great chat with him the other day. I sent him pics and weight, which is still at 145... wtf. >.<

Someone commented that they thought I was sending him a pic of the scale lol. No just my weight and pics of my half nekkid bod.=0
That was traumatizing by the way. I was depressed the whole day after that. Some day I will take pics and walk around smiling all day because they will be THAT good. :)
So anyway this week has not been great I ran out of protein powder 2 days ago, and my order is no where to be seen. Plus just more stressful crap. I will get it together here though. I am learning a lot about my body and my patterns of action through all this though so its good. I am really learning what my body responds well to, and what just does not work at all.

There are lots of changes going on at work. My manager is leaving :( and they are bringing in a new person who is supposed to be a total biatch. yay. She may not be though, I'll decide for myself.

So wow I think I may just go buy a small container of protein powder for after my workouts if nothing else until my order shows up :s

My birthday is 17 weeks away and I have some plans I am getting excited about. I can't wait, and I need to be in awesome shape!

Well Apparently...

2009-07-20T12:45:00.005+10:00

I DO need the scales opinion, or Tony does lol. I have to weigh in the morning and I have to take pics today and send them to him.(hopefully he doesn't faint)

It was good talking to him, hes therapeutic lol.
So we made sure everything was on track which it is, he believes I can make it. I hope that scale behaves tomorrow :S My waist has come in quite a bit since last week, and my delts are looking really good even when I am just standing there.

We both think the Superpump is affecting my moods and not for the better, so when this tub is finished that will be it :( back to caffeine caps, cheap yet effective.

Its starting to sink in now, or maybe its that I am really believing. I think I started with the thought well I can try and if I don't make it... well. Now my mindset is.. I am going to be walking on stage in 10 weeks.... everything needs to be spot on, no time for messing around, I need to make EVERY meal and workout count.

I have been looking at suits and pics, I guess I better pull my hooker heels out too.

So I am actually starting to get excited :)

Oh and I have to tag 7 people for the MEMEMEME post below, so if you have been tagged, sorry!

I tag...
1. Frankie
2. Tina
3. Cath
4. Raechelle
5. April
6. Hillary
7. Di
:P

I had to add, low carb is just soo much fun! Today I put all the signage in the windows...upside down! I noticed people were really looking whe they walked by... I was thinking wow this new marketing is really getting peoples attention. Nope the ditzy blonde putting it in upside down was. My manager came out took a look and burst out laughing.

10 Weeks Out

2009-07-20T05:59:00.002+10:00

Ya know... I really prefer prepping through the summer, its beautiful outside and cardio is a breeze.

Early morning cardio is done for the day. I ordered a 5lb tub of Dymatize and that should arrive today, good thing, I think I have one serving of protein powder left.

So I sketched out a bit of a timeline and went looking at suits and such just for motivation and it worked. Dan keeps telling me he can really see a difference, I told him he better not be feeding me shit lol.

I have no idea how this will all come together financially but whatever. I am doing what Tony says and doing it anyway and putting it out there to the Universe so hopefully everything will line up in the end.

I am feeling even leaner today, no idea what I weigh, I'll weigh next week, I don't need the scales opinion this week. Time to get ready for work.

Train Hard!

MEMEMEME! Tagged by Liimu :)

2009-07-19T16:30:00.002+10:00

Ok so I guess I am supposed to name 7 traits about myself that make me stand out or are unusual and quirky.

So lets see...

1. I homeschooled my kids for 10 years, it was one of the most fun, worthwhile things I have ever done.

2. I smell EVERYTHING.

3. I am 1/8th Cherokee Indian, and 1/8 Spaniard

4. I used to be in gymnastics

5. I play World of Warcraft with my husband

6. I can't stand any doors left open, cupboard doors, front doors, bedroom doors etc.

7. I used to sew my own clothes and actually had a little business selling some of the things I made.

Well gee after reading Liimu's list mines a bit lacking lol.

Asses and Such

2009-07-19T10:26:00.006+10:00

So I am on day 7 of comp prep and I feel like ASS lol. Well currently I feel like ass that could change in an hour. Its like my hormones are trying to decide where they are going to sit.
I can feel on top of the world and like I can do anything one day, and then the next day I spend crying and feeling like its all pointless. I am just going through some really tough life issues at the moment.
My choices are to lay low and try to get through this without putting anymore undue pressure on myself, which probably means gaining some weight.

Choice number 2 is to forge ahead and say screw the circumstances I am doing this anyway.

Add being tired and sore and a freaked out body from what its been put through and things get interesting.
I have stuck to my diet though. I know why I want to eat, I want the numbness, I don't want to think or feel.
I know that once the weight starts coming off I will probably feel better.
Meanwhile I feel fat despite this weeks stellar efforts, but I KNOW my body can't hang onto the fat for long with what I am doing. I hate posting when I feel like this because I don't want to be a downer, I want to spread motivation and inspiration instead.
Maybe someone else is feeling like ass too and wondering if its even worth hanging on.
Someday I will look back on this and

I read an article on Figure Athlete titled How Strong Are Your Glutes, Really?
In the articles it says "Unfortunately, although the importance of strong glutes is no secret, actually understanding how to achieve this goal can be quite mysterious.

You see, you're always told that if you want to develop strong, functional glutes, you can do so through performing exercises like deep squats, deadlifts, lunges, steps ups, and the like. The problem with this recommendation is that while it isn't wrong, it's not entirely correct, either.
It's All About Activation

Here's something that may surprise you: the same exact exercises can have drastically different effects on your physique, depending upon your body's ability to recruit the muscles being trained.

In other words, all the squats, deadlifts, and lunges in the world won't do your backside much good if your glutes don't activate well to begin with.

Have you ever wondered why some Figure girls can train and diet harder than anyone else in the gym, get ripped and lean everywhere, but still have soft, flat looking rear ends, while other girls work out half as hard and have tight, perky bottoms?

The answer's simple: Some girls have glutes that activate properly, and others don't.

I can tell you from years of experience that most girls, even elite athletes, lack optimal glute activation."

Hmm this is something I have been wondering about. He has some exercise you can do to test if your glutes are activating properly. I took a look at these and thought ah yeah I think I can do those, so I tried them and didn't do so well.
He also has exercises you can do to correct the problem. So i have added these into my training program 3 times a week.
So we'll see if this makes a difference.

I know when I first started training I couldn't get my abs to respond, it was like they just didn't work, after about 3 months I could actually feel them working.

Anyway speaking of asses I need to get mine to the gym.

OMG My top 2 abs are back!!!

But HOW Does it work?

2009-07-18T09:37:00.002+10:00

Here is an in depth answer to HOW Estracort works

PGN EstraCort is the first and only non-hormonal estrogen and cortisol controlling supplement on the market made specifically for women.

Hormones are chemical messengers that signal the body to perform certain actions. For example, after you eat carbs, the hormone insulin is released to signal the body to absorb these carbs from the blood stream. The body releases various amounts of insulin depending on the type and amount of carbs you eat. Controlling insulin levels through smart diet choices is important since high levels of insulin lead to fat gain. Insulin is not the only hormone that contributes to controlling your weight, there are many. Of prime importance are the hormones estrogen and cortisol.
Estrogen is the primary female hormone (comparable to testosterone in men). Estrogen gives women their feminine characteristics and testosterone gives men their masculine characteristics. Estrogen has numerous actions in the body. Estrogen is needed for normal functioning of the body but too much or the wrong types of estrogens can have negative effects on your body. The same holds true for another hormone called cortisol.
Cortisol is called the “stress hormone” because it is released in response to stress and anxiety. When released at a normal level cortisol helps restore homeostasis after stressful events. But, like estrogen, when too much cortisol is released or cortisol levels are elevated for too long negative affects arise.
Knowing all of this PGN has created a formula to control estrogen and cortisol levels, leading to increased fat loss, less water retention and an overall leaner figure. PGN presents EstraCort:

250mg DIM (Diindolylmethane)
200mg Calcium d Glucarate
500mg PhosphatidylSerine (250mg)
500mg Green Tea (50% EGCG/95% PE)

DIM (Diindolylmethane)

DIM, a phytochemical found in cruciferous vegetables like broccoli, is an estrogen metabolism modulator, meaning it favorably shifts estrogen metabolism. Estrogen is not a bad hormone, it is needed for normal functioning of the body, but certain metabolites of estrogen have more positive actions while other metabolites have more negative actions. DIM increases the amount of “good” estrogens (2-hydroxy) and decreases the amount of “bad” estrogens (4-hydroxy and 16-hydroxy). The good estrogens protect the brain and heart due to potent anti-oxidant activity, along with other positive actions, while the bad estrogens promote weight gain and are linked to cancer (breast and uterine). By supplementing with DIM your body’s natural estrogen metabolism becomes primed to create more of the good and less of the bad estrogens, leading to a health-promoting estrogen balance.

Calcium D Glucarate

Calcium D Glucarate is a botanical extract found in fruits and vegetables that promotes the removal of toxins and excess estrogens from the body. Calcium D Glucarate helps detoxify the body through a process called glucuronidation. The body naturally tries to removes toxins and excess estrogens through glucouronidation, but this process can become reversed by the enzyme beta-glucuronidase, which releases the toxins back into the body. Calcium D Glucarate increases the detoxification process by inhibiting the beta-glucuronidase enzyme, allowing the glucouronidation detoxification process to work its magic. Supplementing with Calcium D Glucarate increases the elimination of cancer-promoting toxins and estrogens.

PhosphatidylSerine
Phosphatidylserine is a phospholipid found in the membrane of all cells, particularly in the brain. Phosphatidylserine keeps cells flexible and primed for nutrient absorptive. Supplementing with phosphatidylserine has been shown to improve cognition, memory, and mood and decrease blood concentrations of cortisol. Excessive cortisol levels can lead to suppression of the immune system and the accumulation of abdominal fat. Supplementing with Phosphatidylserine not only will improve brain functioning but will also help control cortisol levels.

Green Tea

Green tea is a type of tea leaf (black and oolong are other types of teas). Green tea has been used by the Chinese to treat a variety of disorders for years. Green Tea has powerful antioxidant properties, specifically from the active EGCG, and has been shown to help protect against various cancers. EGCG has thermogenic effects and has been shown to assist in weight loss by decreasing dietary fat absorption, appetite suppression, and catechol-O-methyl-transferase (COMT) inhibition. COMT is involved in the breakdown of catecholamines (i.e. NE). By inhibiting COMT, NE breakdown is slowed and it is able to activate the adrenergic receptors to a greater degree and enhance lipolysis (fat breakdown). Supplementing with green tea extract improves overall health and helps promote fat loss.

Summary
• DIM positively shifts estrogen metabolism to produce more good estrogens and less bad estrogens.
• Calcium D Glucarate increases the elimination of cancer-promoting toxins and estrogens.
• Phosphatidylserine not only will improve brain functioning but will also help control cortisol levels.
• Green tea improves overall health and promotes fat loss.
Supplementing with DIM, Calcium D Glucarate, Phosphatidylserine, and Green Tea together will optimize a women’s hormone levels, promoting a leaner, more healthy figure.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In Other News...
I am smashing my workouts, and feeling a BIT leaner but I am still holding quite a bit of water, must be the Superpump.

I have some other cool stuff to post later :P

I Found It!

2009-07-15T17:09:00.003+10:00

My motivation, persistence, focus...whatever you want to call it that makes me get off my ass and gt things done.

I am soo sore! I forgot what the first week back to hard training is like. This is when I don't cheat. I work my ASS OFF, literally the last thing I am going to do is eat crap and null and void all my hard work. I forgot that this is what makes me stick like glue to the plan.

I am having to have an extra nap during the day.
On the other hand I am starting to enjoy my morning cardio in a wierd way. It was so cold this morning and I had so many layers of clothing on I looked huge and puffy. I use this time though to work on my visualization and before I know it I am back home and my day is off to a great start.

I am determined to hit 130 lbs or 59 kg. by August 9th.
however with the Superpump and creatine... does that mean I will consistently weigh a little more because of the water bloat? anyone know? if so no problem if I am a little over as long as I know why.
Weights have gone UP, so I am happy about that :D

So I have ... probably chest and 75 min of cardio tonight.

Then I will come home and go back to sleep lol.

Sunny Days Are Here Again!

2009-07-13T15:31:00.003+10:00

I just had my last weekend of class :( I can't believe it went so fast. I do have a couple makeup classes because I started a week later then everyone else (yay :D). I just have to complete all of my assessments before I get my certification and then I can go to work in something I am passionate about!

So ummm... I wasn't going to blog about this but I suck at keeping secrets, and anyway what the hell would I blog about if I couldn't tell you?
So September 26 is the ANB show, and yeah I know i said i wasn't competing... well then I was, then I wasn't, then I was... you get the point. I have been just having a really hard time wrapping my head around things because of what happened LAST TIME. Well I had several separate conversations about the whole thing. It seems everyone but me believed I could do it. I have been letting my past rule my future. So as it stands I am training hard and eating clean for September 26th. I have nothing to lose but fat!

I am puffy but feeling good, weight has been going up and down because up till I made this decision I may have had some cake and ... stuff :P. The good thing is, I am not binging. I don't think I could if I wanted to, it would just make me too sick.

Its sunny today and its making me feel good, I am hoping at the end of this year to be back on the Gold Coast near my beach.

Ok and what was up with last week? I wanted to drown myself! I was soooo depressed. I wouldn't even talk because I didn't want to hear myself, every day was torture. Frickin full moon, hormones, TOM,it was unbelievably bad. I think I should just take a sedative, or be drugged during this week in the future.:) Please and thank you.

Off to the gym now to build me some beautiful legs!

Estracort and Trimfat

2009-07-08T20:27:00.007+10:00

you can check it out here

I am buying this combo, I think the Estracort will really be helpful for me and The Trimfat sounds good too.

Here is what Estracort does,
Excessive estrogen can lead to fat gain, cause difficulty losing fat, water retention, mood swings, cravings….and the list goes on and on! Combine that with excessive cortisol—the stress hormone, and reaching your goals and feeling your best will be extremely difficult to do! In today's fast-paced, stressful world it is not uncommon for estrogen and cortisol levels to get out of whack, creating a hormonal imbalance.

2009-07-07T20:58:00.002+10:00

So the day started off well enough. I got up at 4:30 and did my 50 minutes of cardio, then I came home and had my yummy egg white and oats breakfast and went to work. So far so good.

When I got home I was feeling a bit tired and contemplating a nap. I am using my husbands computer and he is using mine, because his graphics card bought the farm, and I don't really need a great graphics card for blogging and such.

So i was trying to find a Tweetdeck to download so I can get my twitter/Facebook fix. For about an hour I tried and tried to find one... no luck. So I had a spaz and went to bed. I woke up even more pissed off if thats possible. I actually scowled the whole time I slept apparently and had some horrific lines to prove it.

Luckily hubby managed to transfer it from my computer to his so I felt a little better. THEN I was trying to find a Twitter widget for the blog here, one I could customize to MATCH....once again no luck. GRRRR

I look at the time.. its 6 pm I have wasted the whole day screwing with this crap, I feel like shit and i still have to work out and I didn't even touch any of the things I really HAD to do today. So I took the Superpump and bitched and whined my way through my workout. Normally I feel good once I start. Not this time.

All I really wanted to do was punch someone in the throat. No one in particular, just feeling violent lol.
I took it out on the weights instead and even managed to treat hubby with some decency.
All I can say is I am so glad its done. i am going to bed. Today officially sucked, but I don't know why.

The Cure For This....

2009-07-06T18:31:00.002+10:00

Is This!

A hardcore workout! Fueled by Superpump and some kick ass music!
I did 80 bodybuilders... yes 80 in sets of 20, with jumps... a killer shoulder workout and then 45 min of intervals. I am beat. I feel great though! :D I got such a pump in my legs and arms and shoulders. Its so much fun to flex in front of the mirror :P I have to remember my weight will be up a bit because of the creatine and also my period. I stepped on the scale today and it was up 5 lbs from the last time, but PMS and creatine will do that no problem.

Tina, I owe a big thanks to you for motivating me and keeping me from eating chocolate :)

WHERE Is The SUN?!

2009-07-06T12:16:00.003+10:00

I am so sick of this cold!! I hate The Gap! I hate freezers lol. Its not any warmer here at home then at work. I am just over it. Also Blogger will not let me post a fricking comment on anyones blog, though I have tried several times, there is simply no post button! WTF?
I don't know if its the cold making me feel exhausted or what, but I just can't get out of bed when its this cold. Want to buy some SUN!@!!

Just Shut Up and Do It

2009-07-05T17:54:00.004+10:00

I am nearly out of Splenda and that is making me anxious. its FREEZING outside AND inside and I love me some coffee when its cold. I have to wait till tomorrow, the stores are all closed. Damn.

Dan's aunt just offered me strawberry cream cake :S I said no. *sigh*

I have several assignments for this week. I have been getting up at 4:30 to get half my cardio in, the rest I can do later and it seems less daunting for me.

My new mantra has become "Shut Up and do It" Its one of the few things my inner fat girl responds to. Thats what I tell myself when its too cold, when I am too tired, when I am starving...whenever I want to shrink back into my comfortable stale life.

Thankfully its Sunday, and I am like... wow I don't have to shut up and do anything except relax :D Tomorrow is another story...

A Little Inspiration From Crossfade ;)

2009-07-02T16:10:00.002+10:00

Listen to the words to this song by Crossfade, this is my theme song :)

This is another great song by Crossfade

Great music for weights.

What I've Been Up To

2009-07-01T17:06:00.012+10:00

I have been so incredibly tired the last week or so, no idea why, but I have been having 2-3 hour naps everyday on top of the 6 hours sleep I get a night. I have been getting in my basic weight workouts most days and some plyo here and there. I LOVE this course. Its really changing my thinking about my training and I have learned so much to implement into my training.

My course has been fun and exciting. This last weekend we went to the Brisbane Broncos club to do some training. We did some basic dynamic warm-up and mobility exercises and then we jumped hurdles, sprinted, learned how to do a 3 point takeoff, sprinted with weighted sleds, and did some speed and agility work.

Then we go to try out the contrast baths. Now they told us the water was cold. F%#$@&* Cold does not even begin to describe it. We all screaming our heads off for every minute we were in there.

Here is how it went:
chill pool 1 min
sauna 5 min
chill pool 1 min
sauna 5 min
chill pool 1 min
sauna 5 min
chill pool 1 min
magnesium bath 5 min
chill pool 10 sec
magnesium bath 5 min

This is one of the methods the Broncos use for recovery from hard training. It helps the central nervous system, speeds recovery, flushes out toxins etc. Here is the Broncos Recovery baths:

Funny thing about this is I am the only girl.. were does a girl change in the Broncos locker room? I actually changed in this room, it has no door, I just yelled out DON'T COME IN HERE! LOL

Here is were the Broncos do their gym training, there is some really cool equipment here.

Check out this ingenius contraption, This is really awesome, you stand on the board and put tat elastic strap around your waist and then run like hell, it feels like you are really running. Who needs treadmill?

If any of you have seen The Biggest Loser Australia, this is Sharif Deen, hes in my course class. Its weird I never saw this last seasons Biggest Loser but I went back and watched a few episodes, really strange when you know someone and then see them on tv.

I got this photo for hubby :)

Here is our student area, with Chris up the front, you can see some of the gym in the background.

Ok I am spent. Its starting to annoy me how tired I am, I am sleeping I am not overtraining, I am eating well, I am taking vitamins... WTH? I am a bit late on my period too... oh God, I hope I have swine flu.

Supplements and Bad Photography

2009-06-25T10:52:00.010+10:00

No that is not the bad photography. How awesome is this pic of Jen!?
Fitness is really where my heart is. I had always planned to do figure first then fitness. So then I move here and not many shows seem to include fitness. I do have a gymnastics background, and I think with lots of practice I think I could do it.
I got to sleep in today! I have today off because I can't work with my finger, I do too much handling raw food, having my hands wet and lifting heavy crates. So day off for me! I didn't do yesterdays workout either, I picked up a pile of laundry and popped it open, so I am giving it a little rest.

I ordered some SciFit Kre-Alkalyn, I can't wait to try it. They sent me a sample of Optimum Nutrition Gold Standard Whey. I have been wanting to try that for quite some time. What I currently take is an isolate only and I really want to go back to a wpc/wpi.
Now for some of my crappy photograpy! Here is all that I am currently taking.

Wow what a horrible pic!lol ok there is Maltodextrin, Glutamine, Kre-Alkalyn, and Superpump 250. I mix the Maltodextrin with the protein powder and Glutamine for a yummy post workout shake.
The protein powder is Dymatize Elite. I really like the flavors Dymatize has, they are strong, none of that I-think-its-chocolate-because-its-brown-but-it-tastes-like-water-taste. They have some great fruit flavored ones that are awesome for summer. Pina Colada is my favorite, they have Orange Dreamscicle and Apple too. The one in the pic is Cafe Mocha. The probably have the greatest range of flavors of anything I have seen here. It mixes really well too, no clumps, I use a shaker cup with a blender ball in it. Its good stuff!

I am curious to try Gaspari's Myofusion, anyone tried that? I am all about taste though, see post about puke flavored protein powder I once bought. I want my protein powder to taste like dessert!

and all that makes me go like this...well the Superpump does.:P

Definition is coming back :)

Does anyone else edit their posts like 50 times??

Welcome Benjamin!

2009-06-24T18:56:00.004+10:00

My second Grandchild was born today! Benjamin Noah.

Here is my little cutie! :D

and his big sister beautiful Lily :)

what a day! I cut my finger this morning and then I recieved a letter that caused an extreme amount of anxiety and at literally the moment I was reading the letter, my son messages me and tells me Benjamin was born! My head was spinning.

umm...OW?!

2009-06-24T17:08:00.002+10:00

I cut my finger today at work with the tip of a butcher knife. Its quite deep.:(
I actually got woozy and a little nauseous...wierd.

Oh Look! I think I found My Bliss!

2009-06-21T22:08:00.003+10:00

How gorgeous is this? It reminds me of my beach and fills me full of hope and happiness.

I just updated my Dreambodies blog head on over and take a look.

I want to say a big THANK YOU to Tina for our chat tonight :) Love you girl!

I am pretty wiped out physically but my brain is going full blast and I am so excited about everything going on my brain feels like it may explode :D Ahh if I only I could bottle this feeling and sell it, I wonder what the street value would be? Not the wiped out feeling.... the omg... life is so frikin awesome feeling. ;)

Awesome Day Now Will Someone Carry Me To Bed?

2009-06-20T17:02:00.006+10:00

I did boxing for the better part of 6 hours with breaks long enough to eat quickly and one long enough to get a back workout in. I am knackered. My muscles are still shaking. It wasn't just my arms and shoulders that got a workout either, we did circuits with plenty of squats and sit ups, and running, my whole body is fried. Great fun though! I am going to get Dan a set of gloves and some pads so we can practice. I had one guy that everytime I got him he just wailed on the pads so hard he nearly knocked me over... Jeez.
So glad tomorrow will be much less active lol.
I want to really start focusing on my legs, I need to really build more strength. Ok time to put the feet up and veg out.

Before I go I wanted to re-post this from Zen to Fitness

The 5 Mindsets of a Champion

You can become a champion in whatever you like whether it be washing the dishes or mastering a new skill. One of the hardest things to win over is your mind, at the end of the day achieving anything usually comes from a strong mental outlook and enthusiasm for what your doing……
1- Stay Present In What Your Doing

I am putting this at number one as to me its the most important and the hardest to master. When you are present and fully engaged in what you are doing nothing can get in your way, there is no room for fear, anxiety, or other negative emotions to stop you doing what your doing to your full potential.

You can stay present whatever your doing in life, you just need to realize and acknowledge when your thinking goes out of hand and drags you into the past or future. It can seem very hard at first but eventually it becomes easier and even second nature. The Power of Now is a great book on achieving presence or it may even take a moment of Satori for you to come to the realization that we can only be at our best when we focus our primary attention on the now.
2- No Regrets Mindset

You can’t changed what’s happened and truth be told whatever you have done or made a decision about was the best you could have made at that given time. If you live with this mindset your life will become far easier and less stressful….

Too many people are tied up with regrets and have their minds stuck in the past and things they may have done wrong. These don’t have to be big things they can be as small and trivial as picking the wrong piece of fruit while grocery shopping, you would be surprised how much these things play on people’s minds.Always tell yourself that whatever you did was the right decision it will save a load of mental clutter and allow you to stay in the moment.

Get into the mindset that you can’t lose with any decision you make, regardless of the outcome!
3- Having a Beginners Mind

This one doesn’t mean dumbing down, many smart people maintain a beginners mind in whatever they do, It refers to having an attitude of openness, eagerness, and lack of preconceptions when studying a subject, even when studying at an advanced level, just as a beginner in that subject would.

Having a beginners mind will allow you to learn new stuff and do things without thinking too much about them, which is key not only to be the best at what you do, but to do whatever you want well!

Sometimes we just need to admit and say “I Don’t Know” this will not only crush your ego which always wants to know best but it will leave you with an open mind which is ready to learn, adapt and evolve.

Living with “I know” is a tremendous handicap that keeps us out of the present, and living in the past. It doesn’t allow us anything new, no surprises, no insights, no discoveries. It doesn’t allow us to unlock and understand any of the mysteries of the present moment, and it keeps us frozen in the judgments of the past.
4- Knowing What You Want

This can be for anything, in order to achieve something you need to know you what you want. For instance if you want to lose weight try and have a mental picture of how you will look once you have achieved your ideal weight or gain some muscle. Try and consider these 3 factors when figuring out what you want

* What do you want to achieve?
* What, When, Where, Who and How?
* What will you see, hear and feel when you’ve achieved your outcome?

If you lay out plans with a certain template like the one above it will allow you to envision exactly what you want making it far more achievable and putting things in perspective.
5- Not Being Dragged Down

People who are good at what they do or even just happy with life, don’t let the small stuff drag them down. If you let what others thing, say or do affect how you feel and act negatively then things have got to change. Remember we cannot change others and need to accept people as they are in order to live a constructive and purposeful life. Truth is there will always be people trying to drag you down.

The same goes for your mental outlook on life, don’t let the chatter box in your head talk you into negative thoughts as soon as you hear them coming, face them realise they are not you but your negative internal dialogue and let the slip or flow like a pebble passing a stream.

The earlier you catch a negative train of thought and reject it the easier life becomes as once they set in and feed on your negative emotions they can be hard to shake.
Applying The Knowledge

These 5 mindsets can be set towards anything and should be veichles to carry you through life’s obstacles. They can also be more specific you could apply them to;

* Getting in Shape
* Finding a New Job
* Starting Your Own Business
* Socializing
* Starting New Relationships
* Finding Peace in Your Mind

Enjoy!

“Whatever you hold in your mind will tend to occur in your life. If you continue to believe as you have always believed, you will continue to act as you have always acted. If you continue to act as you have always acted, you will continue to get what you have always gotten. If you want different results in your life or your work, all you have to do is change your mind.”

Gag Her and Tie Her Up!

2009-06-20T06:52:00.003+10:00

You know life would be so much easier if ALL of my self just cooperated with me. I swear I am stuck in my own head. I am mad, so I am having this internal argument with myself. Its goes like this:

Whiney Tea: Well it doesn't matter anyway your never going to look good enough until you have surgery

Kick Ass Tea: so.... what you just gonna quit? Just quit because you don't "look good enough"? How pathetic.

Whiney Tea: Its so unfair dammit!

Kick Ass Tea: God what a lame thing to think, since when is frikin life fair, get a grip, pull yourself up and kick some ass.

Whiney Tea: *cries*

Kick Ass Tea: Oh no...don't you start, aww wtf, now your smearing the mascara, go back to sleep you hormonal nutjob !!! Is it PMS week ALREADY??

Gag her and tie her up!

Don't worry I'll get over it, I am going to go make a large cup of coffee and take all my vitamins, put on a happy face because today I get to box :D The whiney little shit has to stay here.

In other news..... I got Dan's cousin in a headlock yesterday, they wanted to see if he could get out of it, since hes supposed to be really hard to hold in a headlock. I made him black out for a couple seconds... woopsy, I totally didn't mean too, I was just trying not to lose. :0

Not A Happy Camper

2009-06-19T21:31:00.004+10:00

Todays been...wierd. I got into work and there are TONS of people standing out the front, cameras, lights and STUFF. I am like O.o

I find out were having a photoshoot, oh god I am soooo glad I put on makeup this morning lol. So yeah the pics will appear in some Leonards Magazine and on some poster...yay.

I am just not a happy camper today, I have no reason and I am not even excited about going to class tomorrow, so I KNOW its PMS. Plus I am soo tired I have been sleeping 2-3 hours extra when I get home.

I hate it when I get like this. I am just cranky and it makes everything at home seem that much more sucky.

Back @ My Blogger Home! :)

2009-06-18T13:35:00.003+10:00

Welll after MUCH playing around with Wordpress I was just getting really pissed off and annoyed with the limitations. It was fun at first until I realized all the things I can't do, that Blogger just makes so easy :P

I have had an annoying last 2 days at work. They are really pushing us to sell... which I am not thrilled about.
The display case has this corner that you cannot reach unless you climb in, and they are always sticking our promotional products in there.

So this morning I get told they want a pyramid made out of peking marainated shashlicks, shish kabobs for the Americans lol. So I had to slide myself in there on my stomach and build this with slippery shashlicks, with one hand, oh and he wanted it "high and stable" lol I had marinade up to my elbows when I was done.

So when anyone wants some... you guessed it I have to lean way the hell in there and try to reach them. The customers always make comments like, wow they really make it hard for you to reach. >.< then when you are trying to slide back out, your hairnet gets caught on the lights, so you have to stop go forward, and try again. I would like to get a hold of the guy that designed that window, and I know it was a guy... a woman would never design something so stupid.;)

I am feeling really worn out, I haven't been getting my water in so I need to make sure I do that today.
I have back today and debating whether to have a nap first lol

New Blog!

2009-06-12T14:29:00.005+10:00

So I have been playing with Wordpress for about 3 weeks and will be blogging from there now! So add the new link! See ya there!

Oh! lol Evelyne... Thank you I thought I put it in there :) http://tearose1070.wordpress.com/ There ya go ;)

Excellent Post

2009-06-09T20:15:00.002+10:00

I just HAD to re-post this. This is by Dov Baron.

Inner Winning

Winning is an Inner game… for two.

I know how you feel, I’ve been there…I know you have your reasons to say ‘no’ to yourself, reasons to say ‘no’ to your dreams.

Maybe you’ve been knocked down too many times, and you just don’t know if you can get up again. But, know this: As you stand here on the edge between where you were and where you want to be, life will throw you curve balls, life throws curve balls at us all.

Life may seem cruel and hard and what you need to know is, if you believe that then life will knock you down and it will keep you down, if you don’t find the courage to stand up.

Those around you may tell you that you are not good enough, and they may say it so often that you may even begin to believe it. If that happens, you will find yourself looking for someone or something to blame and every time you do, you are telling yourself that you don’t have what it takes to get up.

That’s a lie!
Life will knock you down, but that doesn’t matter anywhere as much as how hard you can get knocked down without giving up on yourself and on your dreams. I know you’ve been hurt, I know you’ve been disappointed…now what?

Many get hit and they never get up, others go to a certain point and they stop. Let me ask you what would happen if you got up again?

What would happen if you held a greater vision of what you were capable of, and you held this vision despite everything they told you?
Don’t get me wrong, it might not be easy but, let me share with you what more than twenty-five years of research has shown: What is likely to happen firstly is there will be resistance; it could be resistance from your own ego-mind doing its best to keep you safe in the same old, (often miserable) comfort zone. Sometimes, the resistance is external, those who love you, telling you to be careful, “you don’t want to make a fool of yourself” or some other equally rational answer.

Seriously, stop for a moment and let me ask you this:

When you get to your deathbed…
do you think you’ll regret the times you looked foolish pursuing your dreams in order to live the life you came here to live, or do you think you would experience much more regret at not looking foolish and never reaching what you deeply now know you are capable of?

Listen carefully, your ego-mind is like a ruthless crooked lawyer building a case using whatever it can while calling its lies “logical reasons”. What you have to do is employ the fierce power that is the fire in your heart that cries out for you to live your dreams.

I get it! You’ve been knocked down and it hurts, the question is, will you get up?

And what will get you up?

What is it that will have you spring to your feet like Rocky and say,

“Is that the best you’ve got!?”
Decide you can, decide you can’t, either way you’re right.

Winning is an inner game and so is losing!
It’s a game played by two: Your authentic self, that gently whispers for the expression of your dreams and your ego-mind that wants to keep you ’safe’ screaming at you to stay safe by repressing those dreams.

I sign off each of these writings with the statement: ‘live with courage’ because…

courage is not the absence of fear, courage is when you are terrified and you get up and do it anyway!
Share this with your friends and leave me your feedback.
Until next time, “LIVE WITH COURAGE’’,
Dõv…

Wow Does This Stuff Work!

2009-06-08T18:10:00.003+10:00

I really had a fabulous workout today. I took my first dose ever of Superpump 250 and man does that stuff work! Its tastes great as well! You'd think I was getting paid by Gaspari the way I have been raving about it.

Heres the thing, I did a HARD weight workout and I still had so much energy I just HAD to go to cardio! Now who wouldn't love that?!

I have been feeling soo good! I am getting enough sleep finally, Tony has added more carbs and I am taking my magnesium, zinc, B, D, Calcium and multivitamins everyday. I thinks its a combination of all that.

Not only that 2 days ago I was 156, today I am 151.

I am actually working out at home for the time being because my car still is not fixed. Thats ok I have enough equipment to get by for a bit and the last 2 workouts I have done at home have been the hardest I have done in a long time.

I am about to curl up with Dan and watch The Opus.

So Happy!

2009-06-07T19:00:00.005+10:00

I am loving my course! I get there today and who is the 2nd main instructor I haven't met yet? Russell Brereton! Former Mr. Australia! My husband and I saw him at the first bodybuilding show we ever went to and we never forgot him. I got to chat with him quite a bit today. Just chatting with other competitors is soo good. I find I am not crazy, they feel the same way and how they have handled things.

We have another guy in our class that competed in the ANB and just sitting and listening to him talk about how special this day was for him when he nearly blew it and quit, he had tears in his eyes and I could just see how much it meant to him... wow.

I got to do his skinfolds today lol.

Our other instructor Chris Haseman is just amazing, Brisbane Broncos performance coach, Hes competed worldwide in MMA and UFC. Chris's wife Diana, is Miss Figure Queensland 2008. She is the most positive sweetest person. I love their teaching styles and I am having a blast. A far cry from the failure that was Fitlink lol.
I am so happy in my element, learning so much, and making great new friends.

I feel truly blessed.

Here is a video of Chris

Chris Haseman MMA Highlight Video from Daryl Naumann on Vimeo.

I Love Learning!

2009-06-06T21:29:00.004+10:00

Quick post! Ever have one of those experiences where you are learning about something and suddenly everywhere you turn everything is else is confirming and adding to what you are learning? Like you are purposely being directed down a certain path. I am learning the most amazing things about nutrition, hormones, and metabolism. I am loving it! I really love learning and when its something I am passionate about I don't even want to stop for sleep! :D I will though, must repair this tired body. :)

2009-06-05T19:35:00.003+10:00

Its been over a week since my last post and I want to move Pauline on down the page lol. Since my last post I have had a couple binging episodes. I had a long talk with Tony and he has added quite a bit more food into my plan. I am really liking that! Hr also gave me a binging protocol if I feel the urge and so far I have been able to deal with it.

So now what? I am not concentrating on competing right now. My body has just had all it can take, and I started all this for health reasons, so what good does it do if I lose my health in the process? I feel other things tugging at me, and everytime I set out hard on comp prep its like the Universe is going noooooo.... not that way... THIS WAY!

You may remember a month or so ago where I was talking about how I wanted to eat for health and learn to enjoy healthy food and cooking. I realized then that was the only way I was going to be able to maintain. I have added some new blogs in the Fit Foodies section. Great inspiration there.

I am still on a definite plan with Tony, hes helping me get to a healthy good place again. Sometimes we start out on a road with a goal in mind and that gets us a long way but then the road changes, the goal changes. My goals are still evolving, some are becoming clearer and some may be discarded for the greater good, I am keeping an open mind at this point. My goal is healthy happy fitness, having energy and feeling good. There are a few things I really want to try and I do best when I just skip along following my bliss, so thats what I am doing. I may compete later, right now I am going to work on looking and feeling my best and have fun doing it.

I also got my book today Master Your Metabolism, I am loving it!

Also I have started my personal training certification. I go to school for 12 hours on the weekends. The way this worked out for me to be able to do this is amazing and I know I am in the right place. I'll post more about that later ;)

So now I am going to go make a big tex mex salad and a cup of coffee and sit down with Jillian's book.

Check Out Pauline!

2009-05-26T12:35:00.004+10:00

I love this post by Pauline. She really gives me hope and helps me see things in a different way.

I have to include these pics, is she perfection or what?

Alrighty Then!

2009-05-25T21:46:00.002+10:00

Lucky me! Seems I get to have TWO periods this month! WTF?!

No wonder I have been crying and moping around. I bought some magnesium and some B complex. So heres hoping!

Some exciting things are in the works, I'll post more later, I need to get to bed so I can get up at dark 0'clock for legs.

Anyone Have A tissue?

2009-05-23T10:05:00.004+10:00

Its a bit hard to see yourself like this....

When you feel like this.....

That is All.

ok its not all..... I have not eaten off plan, just wanted to make sure everyone knows that.

Woohoo! Day 6!

2009-05-22T16:18:00.002+10:00

And I have not binged! lol I am pretty hungry now now though. I just tell myself my body is burning fat. I felt really small yesterday and today and I have been peeing like a racehorse so I think the water is finally leaving. I have abs and cardio tonight, I am debating whether to have a nap first as I did not get much sleep last night and yesterdays workout was less then impressive. I spent most of it yawning and with eyes glazed over.

I just read Stacey's blog and I am going to buy me some magnesium, I really think this is going to make a huge difference.
All yesterday I was feeling really anxious, sometimes on the verge of hysterical. Do you ever feel like you are barely containing yourself from running through the house screaming and crying and smashing dishes and hitting people? I actually have times when I feel like that. Yes I know. I am not normal.

I talked to Tony this morning. I messaged him as soon as I woke up and he skyped me, now it was like 5 am my time, i woke up late, so I was barely coherent. Remind me not to do that again. I feel like I got no where in my conversation with him. I couldn't think and his normal forceful self kind of freaked me out when I had just barely woken up and hadn't even had a coffee yet. I could not remember one thing I wanted to talk to him about. This time difference ting really sucks.

So anyway I just wanted to report on how things are going, I need to get to the gym or take a nap, or eat, hmmm ...ok eat and then decide.

I actually have a valid excuse...

2009-05-20T19:04:00.003+10:00

for not going to the gym! My father-in-law said he would drive me and we tried 3 different ways to get there. Turns out the power is out in that area and the roads are flooded and blocked off so no one can get through! Unbelievable! I hope this rain subsides and I can go tomorrow afternoon. Then I get home and check my email and I got this from Notes from the Universe:

Let's see... It's impossible to fail. Everything works out in your favor. The elements conspire on your behalf...

ok so I will enjoy the night off :) I'll make it up this weekend. Now I am going to go eat my yummy salmon!

Day 2 and 3

2009-05-20T06:21:00.003+10:00

Wow thats going to be some boring titles if I keep that up.

Well yesterday was spot on. I went to work in the morning, then went shopping and got some new running shoes, Glutamine and some food. Then to the gym for shoulders and an hour of cardio.

Its been pouring rain like all night and especially in the morning, and because of my car window situation I decided to leave the gym till after work. I get off at noon so I have plenty of time. I am trying to break the cardio and weights up so I am not at the gym for marathon workouts. I also need a nap at some point today. I am exhausted but happy, very sore though, but each day my pants are just a smidge looser. I can't wait to weigh in on Sunday. I have made it past the 3 days binge mark! I am not even having cravings, not sure if its the ultra clean diet or my mind.. or both.

I'll post more later I need to start getting ready for work!

ok I am home from work! It is POURING, There is no way I am going out in my car with no back window in this. I may try to borrow my father-in-laws car later to get to the gym. I would be absolutely soaked by the time I got there. He was nice enough to come get me after work so I didn't have to walk home in the rain.

I am fully caffeinated and feeling pretty dam good. Today I get 6 whole ounces of Salmon for dinner lol I am stoked. I had avocado and chicken earlier with some taco sauce and onions mmm, love that.

Oh! last night I found out I can customize the treadmill for my intervals I am in love! It was so good! Wow this is like 4 days of everything being good, I tink we have a record folks! lol

Day 1 of Comp Prep!

2009-05-18T16:08:00.003+10:00

Today has been great! I got up at 3:45am and actually got enough sleep... shocking I know...I at my egg whites and oats <3 them, and then went to the gym and did legs, went to work, and now I am home for a bit and then I will head off for cardio soon.
Eating as been spot on, and tomorrow I get new running shoes so I can run my ass off...literally hahaha.

Work did not give me quite as many hours this week, which is bummer, but on the other hand I am home by noon everyday.

So all is good in my world. I was messing around doing my lat spread so I don't forget and omg I have last that can be seen from the front! I said to Dan, can you see my lats? and he goes FUCK YEAH! :D

Cardio - 90 min DONE!

Water - Nearly got it all in which is a feat in itself.
Eating - spot on!

Going to sleep soon just waiting for my last meal, yummy salmon and green beans! yay~! I am really beat!

Great Day!

2009-05-17T18:54:00.003+10:00

I just got back from the INBA. I got to meet Cath, Katie, Shelley, Lyn, and her client Selina, Fern, Tara and Deb! I got to see Jo again as well which is always a treat. I have to say Cath, Shelley(I hope its spelled with an e on the end because I compelled top put it there for some reason?) and Katie and Selina all looked GORGEOUS! Just Stunning! Anyway it was great meeting you all! Those of you going to the ANB I will be there as well!

LOL, I spilled coffee down my shirt because I have one of those insulated travel cups and it had water trapped between the outer shell and the insulation part so I went to the bathroom to dump it out. So I am in the bathroom, fixing my cup, checking myself in the mirror, when this guy walks out of the door to the stalls.... I was like umm hi..... he goes oh! uhhh... and laughs, so I quickly walked out and there was a lady sitting outside the door and I go, is this the mens bathroom?? and shes like yeah I was wondering why you went in there! Hahaha

I tried to get pics but you all know my camera should just be burned or thrown out the window.

Oh I took pics yesterday... :( my butt is like twice the size of what it was. Its my own fault. I am still a size 10, how funny I never thought I would be a size 10 and be FAT.

I need to build some serious muscle, like in my legs and butt, more muscle!
I had to get up at you-have-to-be-fucking-kidding-me 0'clock so I better start getting stuff in order. I open tomorrow!

Feeling Great! Heres My Plan...

2009-05-16T09:53:00.003+10:00

I woke up this morning feeling great and right about this decision!

Part of the issue was trying to schedule my workouts in. So I will be going to the gym first thing is the morning at 5:30 before work and then again straight after work. I was feeling overwhelmed with the amount of workouts I had and as I am tired when I get home the thought of 3 hours of workouts was not flying with me. So I will go and do weights in the morning and then cardio at night and Dan has decided to do an hour walk on the trails with me in the evening for my steady state. We have an extra room here thats just full of stuff at the moment that we are going to put mirrors up in a treadmill or a bike so I can practice posing and do my cardio in there and Dan wants to put the weights we have in there for him.
What I may do is on the days I have to work longer cut back on the cardio and schedule it on shorter days.
So thats sorted.

Now this should help with the evening cravings because I will be too busy to think about it and I have to be in bed by 9 to pull this off. I did best when I was really busy.

The next thing is I am getting me some Superpump lol that will help me get through the workouts and also I am going to buy a pair of size 8 jeans. My goal is to be able to wear them on our anniversary. I have some mini goals set up along the way, Dan's mom is coming in 2 weeks and she hasn't seen me since I weighed 190... I want to surprise her.

Most importantly I want to concentrate on enjoying the process and not becoming the Evil Bitch of Doom and obsessing about the competition. I will do my best to do what needs to be done each day and keep my attitude positive. Thats the best I can do since God has not seen fit to give me complete control over every little thing and person that affects me lol.

Food will be cooked ahead and in the fridge, but then I have always done that, I will be carefully measuring and not eating anything Tony has not said I could have.

Cardio Anyone? and... Rant/ Decision

2009-05-15T20:17:00.003+10:00

I went to the store and bought weight watchers cake....
My husband really sweetly had a talk with me about what I am doing, we then threw it away, without opening it, and I had him throw away the raisins and the dates, I can't stay out of the dam things. I am pissed at myself. I mean wtf? come on ! I AM IN FUCKING CONTROL of what I put in my mouth! Do I want this or not?! Fuck this. I read a quote that said something like never give up on something you think about everyday. I think about competing EVERYDAY. It excites me, it makes me want to get off my ass. I have 17 weeks till the next comp. I need to see this through FOR ME. So here I go again. For fucks sake enough of this retarded shit. I talked to Dan and he agrees, its never going to be the perfect time, so why not now? So I am officially 17 weeks out. I get new running shoes next week, that will make a huge difference in being able to do cardio.

I have to become like water once again and go around over, under or through obstacles. I looked closely at the diet Tony has me on, you know I have a 1600 calorie day and a 1500 something calorie day in my week?! LOL I never looked, and hes added food to that! I am certainly not deprived. Its all mental. I am closer then I have ever been even with the extra weight. I can do this.

So I am promising right here to be accountable in my blog, I will report daily on workouts, food, mess ups etc. The good the bad and the ugly lol.

So as my first step.... I ate a whole packet of chocolate creme cookies on the way home from the store and hid the wrapper in the bushes before I got here. Dan said I walked in looking guilty. I suck at hiding anything, so when he asked if I ate something bad... I burst into tears.
I also ate around 2 cups of raisins and some dates, like 6 dates and 2 T of PB...and about 1/4 of pecans...
ok and some pineapple too! There thats all of it! oh... and 2 pieces of mountain flat bread (13 grams of carbs each)*sigh* Now thats all of it.

I didn't go to the gym either, I went to sleep instead. What a slacker eh? I am not wasting anymore energy beating myself up over it, I am looking forward not behind and the next meal will be on track. Tomorrow is planned out.

By the way... all that food will give you gas so bad, it could be used in war to torture the enemy for information....just saying :S

Big Competition Weekend!

2009-05-15T17:51:00.002+10:00

I just want to wish all you girls the best this weekend. You have all worked so hard and its your day to shine!

We have Cori who is making her pro debut, Francina, and Marissa from the Diva Team!

We also have Shelley, Katie, Cath!~ Competing at the INBA in Brisbane! I will be there and I hope I get to meet these awesome women!

2009-05-14T20:19:00.002+10:00

Its so funny how when I am going through something I get emails, with articles and videos that are just what I need. Yesterday I did was sent a video of a woman that lost over 130 lbs, thats what I have lost. Then life got tough.... she gained it ALL back. You could see the same and pain in her eyes as she was telling about it. Do you know what she did? She lost the weight AGAIN. OMG what an incredible woman, I bawled my eyes out watching this. Then I realized I just got a glimpse of what could happen to me, I am so grateful for the wake up call. The link is HERE, hopefully it is viewable by all.

So then I get a newsletter from Nancy Georges and its always really great but I went to her site and started reading the articles she had there and *bing* the light went on.

Let me explain where my head as been. From the time I started with Tony I put ALL my effort into losing the weight in preparation to compete, everything I had and at 9 weeks out I felt like it was snatched away from me. Now I have been feeling like I don't want to give my all to this again only to have it not work out again. I don't know if I can handle that. So I started thinking to myself well maybe I don't REALLY want to compete, I'll probably look all skinny and emaciated anyway. I'll probably get and ever worse eating disorder then I already have. I just want to be comfortable.

Then she said:
"So what is it that stops us from getting what we want? It is exactly this…. Sour grapes. You know, you reach for the grapes reach for the grapes, can’t reach, can’t reach, no ladder….. Forget it; those grapes were probably sour anyway. The fact of the matter is those grapes are not sour. Any idea presented to you in the form of a wish, or a desire or a goal, is worthy of your attention and worthy of you letting go of the excuses and getting down to business and getting those goals achieved"

I read this and could see immediately what I had been doing.

So I wrote out my schedule, cooked my food, did the laundry and re-wrote my goals in an effort to remember what they are. I then took a nap and when I woke up I went to the gym. I went to the gym today too and ate 100% on plan. I am taking it one day at a time. Guess what I discovered ...YET AGAIN? Motivation comes by DOING. I didn't want to go to the gym, even tonight I still didn't want to, but I feel better and a little more motivated. So if I just get off my ass and do... I want to do more. Anyway its hubby time just wanted to share that.

Oh and I have tickets to the INBA Sunday!!! I cannot wait!! THAT will motivate me for sure :)

Intense HUNGER!

2009-05-12T19:02:00.003+10:00

Seriously I eat and like 10 min later I am starving! Not oh gee I would like some more of that, but INTENSE OMG hunger. Why?? Do I have a tapeworm? Is it my period? This is ridiculous.
I have had all my meals and I am so hungry i am dizzy. I think I am going to make a huge salad and eat that with some chicken breast. I don't want to eat junk I will just blow up. I just want to be able to concentrate on something other then my stomach.

I went through my Eat Clean cookbook but everything I want to make has potatoes or pasta or oatmeal or some type of starchy carb or requires a blender. I have spent all evening fighting with myself and I am exhausted.
Gahhh!

Fe Fi Fo Fummm...

2009-05-12T17:14:00.000+10:00

I am HUNGRY YO!

WELL I did better today but not great. I had to do a bunch of running around going from place to place and I was STARVING. I went to the health food store looking for stevia and decided I definitely cannot afford THAT. They had all this organic sugar free choclate which I did not buy.
I went through Aldi's OMG anyone been in an ALDI??! They have the best looking german chocolate and cookies and its all soo cheap! I thought I was going to pass out. I kept saying OMG just shoot me now! When I realized there was this guy behind me that heard me say that like 5 times. I bought some raisins for Dans salad and a wisk! No chocolate no candy.

So then I am driving home and I miss my turn and had to turn around in this BP station and OMG there is a Krisy Kremes there!!! Here! In Brisbane! A Krispy Kreme! I was like OMFG ! Someone hates me. I didn't stop. By now my stomach is trying to eat my spine. Anyway when I got home I ended up eating about a cup of raisins and an apple, at least it wasn't chocolate or Krisp Kremes:(
There are 434 cals in a cup of raisins. *bangshead* I am STILL hungry. I think I will just eat a box... wait how many calories is in a box??

Toooozeday!

2009-05-12T06:16:00.001+10:00

Scale weight is down 6.4 lbs since Sunday! Hmmm I just might make it into the 130's yet.....

My brain is short circuiting

2009-05-11T17:19:00.003+10:00

I got my new book by Tosca Reno! The Eat Clean Diet Cookbook ( ahaa I typed the Eat clean dirt Cookbook haha) anyway it could not have come on a better day. The bookstore I ordered it from is right next to where I work. and the grocery store is right across from where I work, all in a little indoor shopping center. So I went and picked up some more splenda, eggs and cottage cheese and I wanted so badly to just buy some cake and say f@#k it. But then I stopped in to see if my book was in and it was so it made me feel a tad better.

I am so dam tired, I had around 3 hours sleep, got up at 5:30 and worked 8 hours. By the time i got off work I felt delirious. I am so tired (going to rest soon) and i just want to cry. Dan kept me up for way too long being noisy. since we are in one room now I can't leave the room to go sleep somewhere else, there is no where else! I am just super depressed. I ate all my meals though and i didn't eat any cake. I need to drink some water though i haven't had ANY yet and its 5:30! No gym today, I am far too exhausted. I am feeling pretty resentful that he gets to stay up all night on the computer and keeps me awake when I have to go to work, and then he gets to stay home all day and relax. I know hes putting out resumes and looking for work, but dammit hurry the hell up!

Well i am going to go rest because I have to cook my meals for tomorrow still. Thank God for sugar free jelly tats all I have to say. I am going to have an egg white pizza for dinner, thats Tony approved:)Why am i doing this again? I think it has something to do with not growing to fat for my pants....

Edited to add: I ordered Jillian Michael's Master Your Metabolism today too. Stacey, Tina, KellyO and I am sure I am forgetting like 5 other people have highly recommended it.

I have been thumbing through my new cookbook and I am way excited about this. With recipes like this I could conceivably eat healthy like ALL the time and not feel deprived and want to slit my wrists! Who Knew?! On my list of things to buy in the upcoming months is a blender, a countertop grill, a non-stick pan that is actually non-stick, or maybe I will just get another cast iron pan and season it properly so it's non-stick, those are the BEST. I also want a coffee grinder and a coffee maker, but those are not high on my list.

I feel a bit better now, but now I am STARVING and I only have my one meal left :(

The End Of Overeating... Book Recommendation

2009-05-10T13:09:00.002+10:00

This book has been recommended by Francina.

This book has been recommended by Francina.

It looks good, I am going to make a trip to Borders for this one. If I find anymore helpful books I will post about them. If any of you know of any others please let me know :)

New Blog, Goddess Hair, and Big Thanks!

2009-05-10T11:23:00.006+10:00

Likey the new blog? Well this morning I stepped on the scale and I am down 2.42 lbs, as the water goes... I told you I was orca I am 152.02 lbs for f*%4# sake!

Ok so I stuck to my meal plan like glue and drank my water and I will do it today too. I am going through these little periods of panic, giddiness(yeah wtf?) and wanting to cry. I am woman hear me roar, cry and sniffle!

A big thanks to all who posted and shared their struggles with this as well, I feel strangely comforted and hopeful. THANKS! *hugs* :D

Oh I wanted to add:
Tina posted on food issues HERE.
Katie posted on Whos Afraid of the Big Bad Binge Wolf
I really appreciate you girls taking the time to post on this!

A couple of you now have said you don't eat sugar, like it sounds to me at all? Is this true? My brain is just not ready to process this idea and THEN! AND THEN! Stacey said something about giving up THE PRECIOUS..I mean SPLENDA! Like omg shoot me now. If I did that I am afraid you may find me in a dark corner, in the fetal position mumbling and crying to myself! But then again I did say thats where I would be if I was ever told I had to do 2 hours cardio a day....

Oh I have to blog about my hair. Why you ask? because my hair has been the bane of my existence since I stepped foot in this sauna of a country. It got frizzy, wiry, and then because I was clearly thinking with my big toe I dyed it BLACK. I totally ruined it. I then had to have it stripped so it turned ORANGE. So then I looked like Ronald McDonald... a FAT Ronald McDonald.

So anyway I found a site called NaturallyCurly.com and wow! I found out how to take care of this mop of mine. So right now after a year of all this good eating and getting all my healthy fats its just like GODDESS HAIR! Its soo soft and wonderful I am just beside myself with joy!

I use a cheap shampoo and conditioner, I think its by Herbal Essence its their new Organic line, I'll double check in case I just said a bunch of crap that made no sense. So anyhow, guess what they tell you? Don't was your hair! Well you can wash it but only like once a week,with a shampoo and then you wash with a conditioner on the days in between, Now before I botch this up much more, if you have curly hair go to this site and check out the before and afters. I am actually for the first time in life happy I have curly hair! I'll try to get a picture of it.

Omg I'm hungry.

Oh Wtf?!

2009-05-09T20:18:00.003+10:00

So... i was reading Phit n Phats blog post on Maintaining Weightloss. She says

We all sort of dream that when you are done losing weight you are going to hear angels singing and suddenly everything is simple. It's not. My example is that I always will be a girl who likes to eat a lot. Quantity is a big deal for me. If I have foods in my house that are things I really like and they are not portioned out THE MOMENT I bring them home, I'm going to eat right out of the box, carton, bag until I'm stuffed.

That is me!!
I have stumbled onto a whole bunch of bloggers that have lost heaps of weight and they talk about how maintaining is just as much work as losing. Holy crap are you serious? I never gave maintaining that much thought, I just thought I would be able to pretty much eat what I want at least once a week, this would probably work for a normal person.
For me though when I go to the store to get said yummy foods, I buy way too much, and I eat it ALL. Whatever people have that tells them they are full... I don't have one. Its gone. I notice I am full when my stomach is aching from the sheer amount of food. I also eat while reading blogs so I have no idea HOW much I am eating, I just eat till its gone.
On another blog, I forget which one now I have been on so many, she says that when she was losing weight she was lucky enough to not have any really stressful things happen that would trigger her binging, so she thought that she was educated in the right way to eat and it was no longer an issue... until she did have some stressful things happen and suddenly she was binging and going WTF? Thats exactly what happened to me, I was handling everything so well... I thought I had finally learned and all was good, until recent events had me downing donuts and chocolate like my life depended on it and I was like WTF?! Where is this behavior coming from??

I have so many mixed emotions, elation that there are other people like me that have found a way to maintain and learn to deal with this, so there will be answers for me. Total relief that I am finding this stuff now and not 100 lbs later, and I am distressed that I still have so much to friking learn! I mean holy hell talk about being blindsided by the obvious, I feel a mixture of stupidity, embarrassment and amusement if that makes any sense.

I will forever be struggling with my inner fat girl. The sad and scary thing is stuffing myself with chocolate and pizza makes me feel really good and happy, like a drug. Oh I am not happy when I get fat, but I am happy for the whole evening I am eating it.
I have a wierd security thing with food. When I get low on food I panic, I can't deal with not having enough food mentally, to me its a sign that true catastrophe has struck. I have been like that as long as I can remember. Its like I am scared of starving to death.
I think I will be taking a trip to Borders this weekend and tracking down some books on this subject.
A huge shout out to Tony, though he never reads this. He made me sit up and take notice and put my cookies down before I totally blew it.
Today.... the scale read 70 kg. *gulp* now... I ate last night like it was my last supper and TOM came yesterday as well, but c'mon! that's a SHITLOAD of water, I am up 30lbs in scale weight. and I am not so sure I could get my work pants on, I am drinking my water like a mad woman and as silly as it sounds I feel betrayed and more then a little shocked. I feel betrayed by myself (stupid, stupid girl) and by chocolate.... picture me glaring at it in the store, like *how dare you trick me!*
Holy fuck I need a therapist.

The good thing I guess is I am now "mad" at my comfort food. I am waddling now you fuckers! I don't want any more. God I hope this feeling lasts.

Oh if any of you reading this know of any good books, have any helpful tips please leave me a message.

I frikin woke up FAT!

2009-05-09T15:14:00.003+10:00

and to make matters worse I weighed myself....
I am full swing into my cycle and bloated all to hell. So I cried... I haven't really been to gym for oh... too long. I have been eating what I want about every 3 days... dumb dumb dumb. So I am right now heading to the gym. I will report when I get back. I am feeling especially bitchy and huge and don't want to go to the gym so everyone can be all MAN , what the hell did she EAT?? F@#%$!

EDIT TO ADD:
I just got back from the gym, Man I got the most wicked pump in my arms I thought they were going to burst! I hit a couple PR's too 17.6 lbs one hand overhead db extensions, 71.5 lbs on cable curls. :D All those carbs were god for something. In a bit I am going to go do some cardio. I am planning on going to the INBA show on the 17th and I don't want to feel fat next to all these awesome ripped competitors, but I probably will anyway lol.

Insert Witty Title Here

2009-05-08T18:16:00.004+10:00

Man what is up with me and changing the name of my blog? lol
Well lets see, I have been on one hell of a roller coaster with my emotions, thoughts etc. STILL. Its kind of embarrassing really... like I wanna be all... yeah things are great I can see my ribs and shit, and I am never hungry and I have all this energy LOL.
But NO.... So not reality. I have been a freaking mess since I moved. I have binged, like omg, have I binged. That's a scary place there. Well folks my pants have really gotten tight, oh and guess who decided to show up?? TOM, well good! I can blame some of my pants tightness on HIM.

So I talked to Tony...confessed my sins and expected him to break up with me haha, but he didn't.. Instead he said he wants me in the 130's by next weekend. We has a good talk. I don't know whether I will be competing, I don't really care at this point. I know if I don't start eating right and getting back to the gym, things are going to get really bad in the clothing fitting department.

Oh I tried a recipe last night I found on N Her Shoes Blog Its the Italian Pizza Bake. It was really quite good, I may make it again soon.

Will post again soon, I am still feeling very introspective and trying to process shit and I keep getting sidetracked by the roll that has appeared around my waist lol

Edited To Add:

I need a goal. Competing was my goal before, now that I am not able to compete I don't have a goal other then to lose yet more fat and get ripped. Why isn't that enough? I need goals that make me hyperventilate and feel excited. *sigh* The goal of fitting into size 6's... whoopydoo....then what? I can sit at home in front of the computer in size 6's instead of 10's? Can anyone relate? Or am I just whacked?

Changing Direction

2009-05-05T23:47:00.004+10:00

Well I haven't worked out in several days, seems like my motivation to do much of anything has just gone. Showering seems like too much work.
On a good note, I signed up at Bill Phillips Transformation.com. I feel really positive about this.
I think I am going to work on just feeling healthy again. I need my energy back. This transformation focuses not just on healthy eating and working out but also the mind. I have several things I need to work through and this could not have come at a better time.
Yesterday I had a full blown anxiety attack, obviously something is off. I plan to go to the gym tomorrow, even if I don't feel like it and do what I can.

My sleep is wierd.... its like I am so afraid to go into a deep sleep because i will oversleep and miss work or something so I wake up like TWO HOURS before I have to get up and then every half hour in a panic and check the time. So I am not getting much sleep.
I got so focused on competing on forgot why I started doing all this in the first place, which was for my health, to feel great and full of energy. So why do I feel like I have been hit by a tractor trailer and drug through the mud for a couple miles?

As usual I get tunnel vision when I have a goal, and my mind just will not let go until everything in my life falls apart around me before I take notice. Well I am taking notice. You have my frikin attention life!
They say everything happens for a reason...I just can't wait to find out what it is a THIS time.
Maybe its a good thing my hours have been cut so severely, I can catch up on some sleep if I ever get off this computer and can shut my brain up long enough :)

Oh and P.S. have you seen my period? =0

In hiding...kind of....

2009-05-03T16:30:00.004+10:00

I thought I should post. I have been just relaxing, sleeping when I feel like it, and trying not to stress. HA! I have been on plan with meals for several days except I have thrown in a piece of fruit here and there, if thats what keeps me from binging so be it, its better then a pack of donuts. My hormones are whacked.... TOM starts then stops for like a week then comes back. My moods are everywhere so I am just concentrating on laying low till I am feeling better. I totally haven't showered for 2 days... I never do that. The other thing is I can't remember anything, like I have to think really hard what happened a couple hours ago. I also woke up with a cold sore on my lip! This is the 2nd one in my life and the first one I got right after arriving here! Gym is closed tomorrow for another frickin holiday, so I will workout with Dan here tomorrow. I am not doing much cardio but what I do, I make sure is short intense intervals. I have taken a walk with Dan and plan to again today. The bloat has gone down considerably I almost look skinny again lol. ALMOST. :p I'll be here lurking and reading blogs... Carry on!! :)

Today's Eats

Meal 1- egg whites and oats, 1 slice of fat free cheese, 1 T. flax oil

Meal 2- lean ground beef and broccoli, onion and 1 T. salsa

Meal 3- chicken breast, broccoli and an apple

Meal 4- protein shake- banana flavor with cocoa powder and splenda

Meal 5- chicken breast, green beans, a cup of green chai tea

add to this LOTS of coffee

So far I have had 5 cups of water I need to get on it and drink more.

Training

None, may go for a walk later

I really should shower eh?

Lets Play A Lovegame!

2009-04-29T11:41:00.004+10:00

LOL I like this! I want to put it on my ipod!

Well today I am off to the gym, and the library. I can still barely walk jeez, luckily I probably have chest so I can just lay there haha. I managed to only eat my 6 meals yesterday, I was soo hungry last night. I hate that gnawing hunger. Bloat is going down again lol.... I am like a blow up doll this month. When I get all lean again I will post pics, ha! maybe I will post pics of my muffin top so you can all laugh :P Its all water, its ridiculous lol.

ok off to do stuff!

Awesome bloggers, declined cards and NO COOKIES!

2009-04-28T18:13:00.006+10:00

So today was supposed to be my kickback day. I was going to get to the gym early and get my workout in, I didn't have to be to work till 11 and then after work grocery shop and relax. Well I could not move this morning! I am soo sore from yesterdays leg training and so utterly wiped out. I kept resetting my alarm to give me just one more hour of sleep. Then I got up had my yummy breakfast and stopped to put gas in the car and my card was declined! I had just gotten paid, so money wasn't the issue. So I went to the ATM and it was declined there too. So I promised the guy i would be back to pay him, left my license with him (how embarrasing!) and then went to the gym, but was only able to do weights before I had to run home, pick up Dan to take to the bank since I now had no I.D., get the money and take care of that. On top of all that TOM showed up....*smacks forehead* I ended up going into work an hour late. The rest of the day went well though, I got my grocery shopping done and tomorrow is my day off. Meanwhile I can barely walk, when I got to sit as soon as I bend my legs I am in the chair, my muscles are toast! Nice! :D I hope to see some great leg muscle development.

Today was hard mentally, I wanted something like cookies soo bad and I had to really give myself a talking to. I had to remind myself that I am indeed competing, I had to think hard about how good being lean felt and how much I want to see my abs again. I had people offering me food at work today but I didn't accept any. So todays meals are on 100%! I had NO COOKIES or anything of the sort for the record :P
I did shoulders this morning and lifted more then ever before! I think what scares me more about going back to my old habits is that I will lose my muscles,which I love and pet, (I never did that with my fat LOL) more then gaining the fat, or the fat will cover them up!

Today at work my co-worker was talking about the Biggest Loser and how much weight they have lost and I quietly said... I used to weigh 119 kilos. Shes was like yeah... wait...119?! I said yep, I have lost more then I weigh now. She was blown away. Earlier she was flexing her arm and telling me how she is working on her upper body. The shirts we wear you cannot see anything really. I was telling Dan and he goes did you show her yours?? I was like no... I should have lol. One day I will come in in a tank top. ;)

I have been reading blogs!!! I am so proud of all of you!
Frankie over there is fitting into her Rusty's,
Liimu is shrinking into an 8 soon,
Oh and I LOVE KatieP's post on Why Compete? That is just brilliant!
Healthgirl is back on track and planning to compete!
Tina is awesome and makes me smile.
April is adorable in her pic!(she'll probably want to hit me now :P)
Skwigg... man Skwigg has achieved...like I can't even think of a word...nirvana? but its were I want to be for sure.:)

I leave you with....
This body was not built with cupcakes!

Go forth and build a work of art!

I really should be sleeping....

2009-04-26T23:40:00.002+10:00

....but I am wide awake! I did have a nap earlier. I only have to work for 4 hours tomorrow then its off to the gym for shoulders..(I think) and some cardio. I am anxious to start feeling lean again. I definitely have a binge problem. So I just keep picking myself up, dusting myself off and trying again. Any refined carbs just sends me on a downward spiral of having to have more and more. I haven't really had this problem since I started with Tony in March 2008 so it really caught me off guard. I am still in my size 10's... only just. I have nothing bigger and I am not buying anything bigger.

I spent today listening to some podcasts on Bodysport, these can go on my ipod too! I was stoked to see that. I also found Jen Hendershott's Fitness Olympia routine on youtube! I love jen and her routines, she doesn't hold anything back. Check it out!

Ok I am going to go lay down and visualize my rock hard abs and to to drift off to sleep! ave a good day!

Saturday- Thank God!

2009-04-25T10:21:00.010+10:00

I went to the big Borders bookstore near here. I was in heaven! They have those Sigg-like bottles for only 12.95, I want one! I was pressed for time though so I will have to go back again soon!

Anyway on the way out there is this candy stand in the middle of the mall, so of course I can't pass anything without looking and I see... Reeses Peanut Butter cups, and I was like...wait....YOU DON'T HAVE THOSE HERE! Then I see Whatchamacallits and Milk Duds and CANDY CORN OMG!! I was like...well... like a kid in a candy store lol. I was picking them up and hugging them to my face and Dan was looking increasingly embarassed.

These are all American candy I have not seen since a sweet friend sent me a box of goodies a year and half ago. They were charging incredibly high prices though, the PB cups were like 13.00 and the candy corn looked really old lol and was almost 5.00. I didn't buy any.

Today I am relaxing and catching up on blogs and mapping out my plan of attack for next week. I might go to the library.

I am starting to get fearful my how much I may be gaining. The side effect of eating the sugars and carbs, are the intense craving for more sugars and carbs. Plus I swell up like Orca whenever I eat them, I will be lucky to fit into my work pants on Monday. Maybe I should just stop eating till I get paid.

I guess I will waddle down to the new gym and actually sign up since my pass ran out.

Here is my motivational pic of the day,

Oh and check out this article on Female Power Circuits by Chad Waterbury
This REALLY makes me want to go join the fight gym.

UPDATE

Well I would have gone to the gym but every frikin thing is closed because I forgot today is ANZAC Day! *shoots self*

Ever have One of THOSE days.......

2009-04-24T21:41:00.011+10:00

Hormonal days where you pick fights with everyone, especially those of the male species residing under the same roof, come to these eye-opening, life altering conclusions which you then make stupid assumptions about... and then decisions based on those stupid assumptions....

Only to wake up the next day and sheepishly smile at the male species and say JUST KIDDING! I didn't REALLY mean that.

you know what he said? I KNOW.

?!? How awesome is that? I still feel like an idiot though...

I am a pufferfish again. Remember how I was sick last week? It was also a long weekend. I did not work one day last week, which means I did not get paid this week, which means I could not buy food and THE PRECIOUS...Splenda.LOL.
So I am eating bread, and pasta *gasp!* and whatever else is in my cupboard, and having REAL sugar in my coffee and eating whatever is available. Oh well. I get paid next week and good food is first on the agenda! Life throws you curveballs, nothing I can do so I am not going to even think about it.

I just started reading Dave Ramsey's The Total Money Makeover. Great book! I am excited to start implementing the ideas in this book. I am so over never having any money. It always seems to as soon as things start going well one little crisis and we are back at the bottom and then it takes another 6 months to dig ourselves out and then the next crisis hits. You know the drill. Me, I am not very good with money. I want to spend it. I am very easily distracted by anything pretty, shiny or yummy. But I can do anything if I like the outcome enough.

Random thoughts....
I have been thinking lately, I want my eating to be a lifestyle. I am not doing well on the low carb thing. I am tired of not being able to complete a thought, speak in complete sentences, remember where I put things or what happened this morning, or the insane crankiness, where I just want to smack everyone in the head. I want fruit dammit.
This leaves me feeling a little torn. Wondering if I even want to compete if this is how I am going to feel all the time. I miss the energy and feeling great.
What does this mean? I have no idea yet.

Oh I ordered Tosca Reno's Eat clean Diet Cookbook

I am anxious to get my hot little hands on it. I am getting more and more interested in cooking, which is funny because normally I loathe cooking. Probably because my history with cooking was like... who needs to cook when they can go buy fast food, or a cake? Oh I loved to bake, and even went through a healthy cooking period where I clearly remember trying to make a bean spread.... *GACK!!* I used to be one of those people who would trot down to the healthfood store, spend some ridiculous sum of money on some wilted looking "organic" food and then come home and promptly put it in the fridge to rot, or in the pantry to grow because I really had no idea WHAT to actually do with it but had read how healthy it was for you. I fully intended to learn to use it. I had some weird grains in my pantry I STILL don't know how to use.
It makes me feel a bit ashamed that I am 38 and still have no idea what to do with Quinoa, especially with all the reading on healthy eating I have done. *sigh*
My brain is like a sieve these days, if I could remember all the stuff I have forgotten I would be so smart! lol

Oh and on the coffee front, I want a REAL coffeemaker, one with filters and a cord you plug into the wall. Yes, one of those. I LOVE my coffee, one of my most loved activities in the whole wide world was to visit Barnes and Noble and get a Starbucks Carmel Frappuchino,I love those! I am currently drinking some non-descript instant crap. If we get ground coffee we brew it in a french press (Australians don't seem to own electric coffee makers) like this:

Then you end up with coffee grounds in your teeth... NOT a good look!

This is going to be a huge post but I just have to say when I came here and my husband was asking how I make things my response was something like... Oh a can of_____, a box of________, and then add a packet of______. he just looked at me like WTF?!

Hes like can't you make anything from scratch?? Can you cook? I was deeply offended by this because one must know the right cans, boxes and packets to mix to come up with these awesome meals, I was told I was a good cook, how DARE he insinuate otherwise. Then he proceeded to make me piklets (I can't make pancakes without a mix) and he can make his OWN CAKE AND FROSTING FROM SCRATCH! I was duly impressed. LOL.

OK I do make an awesome chicken noodle soup, FROM SCRATCH lol and I am going to go have some right now!

I love my arms

2009-04-19T21:41:00.011+10:00

I took some arm pics today at the gym while doing my arm workout. I got the most amazing pump! My arms felt like they were going to burst! My camera isn't that great I have a new camera on my wish list. I have gotten stronger in all areas recently.... gee... I wonder if all those extra calories have anything to do with it?

You can kinda see striations in my shoulders if you look closely, the lights really washed me out.

I love how my arms have filled out, thats not fat on the bottom, thats my tricep!:D

How about that wallpaper in the background? Thats actually my new gym bathroom... can't say I love the wallpaper...

Sunday Babble

2009-04-19T11:17:00.004+10:00

Its Sunday morning. I feel very happy excited and energetic, I have so many ideas for the future. I am an idea girl and an idealist on top of that, probably bi-polar as well....LOL. So I am always coming up with these great ideas, but I get so excited and carried away I sometimes fail to think them through all the way. I told my husband when I met him that I needed someone who could look at my ideas and temper them with some critical thinking lol. Anyways I am in one of the those moods were anything is possible, anything is achievable. I always feel a little desperate when i get this mood, I don't want it to go away, I want to hang onto it, but hanging onto it is like trying to hang onto smoke sometimes.

Speaking of the husband, you know what he said to me the other day?!

The Husband: You know you dream about carbs, drool over carbs, think about them all day long and dream about them at night, THEN you sneak behind my back and have oral sex with them!! Your cheating on me with carbs!!

Me: LMAO! ROFLMAO! I am! I so am!! :P

You know what? I am missing living in the US. Seems like everything I want to order or do is available to US residents only! GRRRR...

So lets see what else is new... oh yes! Did I mention I found a new gym? It reminds me of my old one. Call me spoiled or whatever but I am sensitive to how places feel and smell and I can't be in places that "feel" wrong, at least not happily. Anyway good thing I found this place, not only is it closer, its cheaper! SCORE!

I have been wanting to do a personal training course with Human Performance Center for AGES. I got impatient and went with another course provider that turned out to be a joke. So I will finally start taking my course in May if all my little chippies fall into place. I am so stoked about this place. I went and checked out the Brisbane campus a few days ago, GREAT gym, all hammer strength equipment, the instructors are people that live and breathe the fitness lifestyle. My husband and I had a great chat to them, and even better its not far from my house! Now that is a miracle because they could have been on the other side of Brisbane.:S

Oh and did you see my little countdown thingy? (and if I already mentioned this in the last post lol I am sorry)
I am 22 weeks out from the INBA.

So I am looking well fed and a little pregnant, just when the bloat is almost gone I seem to eat something to bring it back. So I have all my meals written out and in my journal and I am making an extra conscious effort to only eat what is listed on my plan from Tony. I want to get 2 solid weeks of kicking ass in the gym and eating right before I step on another scale.

Oh hey! Those of you competing in either the INBA on May 17 or the ANB May 30 (or is it the 31st? I can never remember)I am trying to make a list of everyone competing, I plan to be at both shows to support the girls I know competing! and hopefully I can meet you! So leave me a message!

Anyway I need to get read for the gym! I will leave you with this:

I absolutely LOVE her!

Just a Ramble

2009-04-16T12:01:00.001+10:00

I have been pretty sick, some weird intestinal thing where I could barely walk, or take a deep breath, had a fever and so sore all over. I am feeling a bit better today.

I was looking up the dates for the competitions in September and ...*sigh*.. I found one in July.. on the 20th.. 13 weeks from now. So of course I want to do it. So I emailed Tony about it.. we'll see what he says. Anyway regardless if I do it or not I planned to lean down as much as possible till then anyway. Its in Victoria though so that means plane fare and hotel accomodation will be needed as well.

So I didn't make it to check out the Muay Thai place yet because I am just getting to the point of being able to walk around. I hope to be able to resume training tomorrow.

Hubby and I are going to Borders tonight I am so excited. I miss the huge Barnes and Noble and Borders bookstores in America, all the ones I have seen here are so small and sad looking.

Oh! I got my welcome pack from Tight Curves! I made brownies with the chocolate ones, they were pretty good and the calories in them are only 30 each! I am going to try one of the energy drinks soon, they send me a cute little nylon drawstring bag with Tightcurves on it, a shaker and a bunch of samples.

Not much else going on here at the moment, I haven't worked this week due to the long weekend and being sick :S I hope I am better tomorrow because I am too weak to lift the huge crates of chicken.

And heres your pic of the day!

Getting My Head Out Of My Ass

2009-04-14T22:40:00.004+10:00

Thats what I have been up to. I am making some progress lol. I am done crying in my ice cream, donuts, baklava, cookies and mexican food. LOL

Its taken a while to try to understand whats been going on in my head, but I can see it now. With all this on the fence, am I competing, am I not competing, everything in an uproar.... wait let me just say I hate indecision, I HAVE to know, I can't stand waiting and waiting to know something. If I suspected I was pregnant I would go insane till I knew for sure, and then I could never wait to find out if it was a boy or a girl, I had to know AS SOON AS POSSIBLE... so I could PLAN! Thats just how I work. So anyhow not knowing was driving me insane and since it was looking like if I was physically ready I wasn't sure I would be able to do it financially, I dove into a pile of junk food and that decided that. Self sabotage. I didn't realize thats what I was doing at the time. Self sabotage is a sneaky thing. So I am postponing competing till September which isn't all that far away. I'll tell you what though this is frikin it. I am not setting another date, it happens then or not at all.

There is way more to this that I just don't feel like going into at the moment because its boring and everyone has their problems, so I will spare you lol.

I am still dealing with my old binge eating self I thought was cured...
Well I am back on plan anyway have been for several days, the bloats going my waist is coming back, pants are getting looser and hopefully I am wiser.

Its time to DISPLAY ADAPTABILTY (hmmm ...did I spell that right?) Anywho.. I found a new gym! It reminds me of my old one. Its nice and new and bright and best of all I love being there. The one I was going to when I first got here was depressing me, I felt like I was in a damp basement and since I think I have some seasonal depression disorder I needed to get away from there. I haven't been doing my cardio because I didn't want to stay a second longer then I had to.

I had all kinds of cool articles to direct you to, but being the airhead that I am I forgot what they were so I will do that later.

Oh! and I am thinking of taking Muay Thai or kickboxing. I think that would be fun, I want to start concentrating on being fit and what my body can do rather then what frikin size my ass is all the time. Its making me mental.

Also, I am planning on getting a puppy! Not for a couple months but I am so excited. This is a big thing because I am NOT a dog person really. I have had a couple that I have loved but I am not one of those poeple that melts over every dog they see and wants to have an hour long conversation about vets, and dog food and squeaky toys lol. Although I have a sudden urge to load up on puppy food and squeaky toys and nylabones haha.

*sigh*

The longer I live the more I realize never say never, you don't know what you may be doing in 5 or 10 years, chances are it will be something you said you would never do. :)

Oh I need to post a motivational pic of the day, sorry I fell off the wagon with that. I know you were just checking back daily looking for that pic and cursing me. :0) Check out her quads!!

Oh and here is the puppy I am thinking of. Hes so cute!

How caffeinated are YOU?

2009-04-11T09:54:00.002+10:00

I found this entertaining. :0)

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